2023 metamorphosism.com International St. Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest



Welcome to the something-something-th edition of the metamorphosism.com St. Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest.
2023 already.
Remember when 2001 was, like, the distant future?
The years just keep getting weirder, don’t they.
So weird, so fast, it’s hard to keep up.
2022 ended well, with Greta Thunberg owning that “alpha male”. Teenaged girls FTW. They have my genuine respect. I used to have 2 teenaged girls, I know whereof I speak, they are the future and don’t pick fights with them.
Used to have as in, they are all grown up now doing other stuff.
And 2023 started well, with the Mud Wizard, whom we will probably forget before the end of this contest (entries must be submitted prior to Valentine’s day i.e. February 13 is the deadline), but it was great seeing him taunt those police officers stuck in the mud, gosh.
Here are useful facts about the contest:
There is no prize this year. Don’t ask why. I can’t be arsed, I could offer a jar of marmalade or mostarda but it turns out I am very bad at sending food through the mail. ORP has a fine new album out but if you want that you have to go buy it.
So your prize is the honor of winning.
Can’t take that away from you.
Rules: As usual, entries have to be in proper limerick form.
Language: dirty words are acceptable, these are limericks after all. No hate speech. I reserve teh right to delete without explanation posts I find objectionable (including trouble-makey, complainy or trollish stuff), by posting here you agree to that. Just keep it light and fun okay? Life is short.
Make entries as a comment below this post.
Enter as often as you like.

Rules may be changed, updated, deleted, etc. without notice.

Themes: You get extra points and your chance of winning goes up if you incorporate some or all of the random themes, which also change without warning.
Themes this year include: The town of Cork. Waterfowl. A flag. Grass. A grunt. Angina. Venus. A chorus. A clock. Sailors. Something heinous. Anatomy. The planet Uranus. Baking shows. Paths to enlightenment. Microdosing vs. just dosing psychedelics. The fact that everything is interconnected and we are all manifestations of the universe experiencing itself. Spooky action at a distance and quantum entanglement.Ideas for new inventions. Alternatives to capitalism. Synonyms for “horny”. Baking competitions. Spy balloons. Good news on the environmental front. Sleeping disorders. Anatomy of the skull. Medieval music notation. Varieties of bagpipe. Yoga injuries. Varieties of oranges (the citrus fruit). Interesting animal behavior facts. Life hacks. Limericks written in the style of a famous author. Problems caused by boomers. Hopeful facts. Something happy. Bacteria in sourdough and cheese. Your personal apocalypse theory. Are cats better than dogs? The most unusual place you or someone you know has had sex. English words combining Greek and Latin roots. Bouldering. Marmalade recipes. Mud Wizards and other humorous pies in the face of the patriarchy, guillotines, pitchforks, pie recipes, Covid brain and other potential causes of future zombieism, legal and socially-acceptable sexual perversions, popular music genres, and parasites and parasitism.
More will be added so check this space.

Behold the sturgeon

The sturgeon decides enough is enough and decides to finish turning that cluttered room in the cellar into a studio/workshop/whatever. He marches downstairs, opens the door, steps inside and stands there gobsmacked by the horribility of the mess.

He is standing there while his youngest daughter enters. “Dude, I would totally put a sofa right there,” she says. “Or a big mafia boss chair, at least.”

He throws out some stuff, then goes to bed and sleeps.

The next day he goes back down there and throws away some more stuff. Other stuff he arranges in boxes and puts away in an orderly manner. Slowly it begins to look better than before.

He stands at the work table going through papers he has, for whatever reason, saved. Post-Its with scribbles on them, for instance. You never know when you will need one of those. Instruction manuals for computers he no longer has.

A piece of paper reading, “I love you” in the handwriting of one of his daughters. Tapes that to the wall.

Later he finds a Valentine’s card his oldest daughter gave him when she was four or five.

This is time travel, it dawns on him. This is two tin cans connected by a string, stretched between him, now, and that little girl sixteen, seventeen years ago.

He holds the can up close to his ear.

He can hear her voice, as he reads the card.

“I want you to be happy,” she says.

“I love you,” she says.

“I am giving you a castle with lots of roses.”

The world is full of these tin can telephones, crossing decades, he thinks.

This is why he can’t throw anything away. You never know.

Everything comes to a stop for a minute, down there in the cellar.

“I am giving you a castle with lots of roses, just for you and me.”

That’s all they want from him, he realizes. That is the only thing – for him to be happy.

Everyone who loves me wants only for me to be happy, he thinks.

So he decides to be happy.

Just like that.

And he is.

His oldest daughter, she of the time traveling tin can phone, writes of her trip through India and he is happy, amazed at her talent for writing, her eye for detail, her heart for the world.

His youngest daughter informs him that he has to drive her into Vienna before work tomorrow for a dance lesson. He asks her what sort of dance and she says, pole dancing, and he is happy.

He plays cello with his teacher at a lesson and at one point the beauty of Vivaldi moves him to the verge of tears, and he is happy.

He tapes the Valentine’s card to the wall of his shop. Then he throws away some more junk.

Winners of the 2011 International metamorphosism.com St. Valentine’s Day limerick contest

This year's judge: the Hobo Spider

This year's judge: the Hobo Spider

Due to time constraints, and because it is sufficiently arbitrary and unconstrained by considerations such as fairness, the Hobo Spider was selected to judge this year’s limerick contest. (The entries are here.)

The Lifetime Achievement Award and the 2011 Daunting Proficiency Award both go to JANN this year, the first double award in the history of the contest. I think. I’m not sure and I can’t be arsed to go back and check.

2011 Poet I’d Most Like to Bite on the ankle award goes to Patti.

Snakebearer Award goes to Schnitzi for finding a rhyme for Ophiuchus.

2011 I Was In Your Shoe But I’m Not Anymore Award goes to Ian.

Honorable Mention goes to Michael Berry.

And, finally, this year’s winner is Joeri.

Congratulations and thanks to all participants!

2011 Metamorphosism International St. Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest

It is a great pleasure to announce the opening of the 2011 metamorphosism.com International St. Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest.

Winner’s will be announced on Valentine’s Day, 14 February 2011 unless I’m having some crisis or something.


  1. Be nice.
  2. Entries must be a limerick.
  3. This year’s themes: Jungian psychology, the recent astrological reform, Icelandic geography, monopolistic corporate imperialism and/or plutocracy.
  4. Entries must be made in the comments to this post.