Shrimpbox wakes from ghostlihood

Sometimes he wakes deep in the night, old Shrimpbox, and wonders what noise woke him, but the only sound is his tinitus blaring and he wonders, did my tinitus truly wake me up just now? Will it just get worse and worse until I die?

Already, he reminds himself of – or he has entirely become – his father, shut off from those he loves by his deafness, close by but behind a wall.

When he’s alone in the house, wife away on business, kid on a field trip or something, he realizes it’s not solitude he wants. He wants his loved ones near, just in the other room.

He wants to be a ghost.

Does he want to be a ghost?

It’s what his father wanted. And when his father died, halfway around the world, Shrimpbox was playing dice with his daughters at home, rolling handfulls of dice on green felt. The dice all stood on their corners, balanced there, throw after throw.

Never haveĀ  since.

His father was an actual ghost. His father visited upon his death and made the dice stand on their corners. For Shrimpbox this is an unassailable fact.

Shrimpbox sits this morning and drinks his coffee and writes into a journal and looks around his room at paintings on the wall, by himself or given to him by friends. A glass of quills, electronics, tools, instruments, obituaries and postcards. He listens to the sounds of morning rising – the central heating coming on with its hum of warmth, the bell-like hiss of the radiators, footsteps two floors up, plumbing doing its thing, and drowning it all out, tinitus and the scratching of his pen.

If all a ghost can do is balance dice upon their corners, he has been insufficiently rewarded for spending a lifetime hiding in another room. Not even if you could stand silent, Shrimpbox thinks, stand silent in the corner and watch them always at their happiness, those you love.

He shuts his journal and goes upstairs.

Quick, while there’s still time

Go name a Madagascar hissing cockroach after a loved one for Valentine’s Day.

(I named one after Beta last year and she was so happy)

Careers in Science: Catechectics

Here is the way to piss off the catechectician: answer his question with another question.

It works every time.

It works like a charm.

A question is followed by an answer.

“I don’t know” is acceptable, if you don’t know an answer.

“I’d rather not answer that,” is acceptable, if you’d rather not answer.

“Did you take out the garbage, did you feed the cats, why are you asking, how am I supposed to know, what’s that on your nose?” are all unacceptable.

It’s very simple.

Question, answer. Like that.

This: “?” is followed by this: “.”, and not another “?”.

The catechectician also is tired of being criticized. He is so tired of it, in fact, that he says the hell with it and leaves the person criticizing him.

It is night time. It is dark and the catechectician is tired. He drives around in the dark planning his next move. The best plan he can come up with is to drive in a big circle as he realizes the only hotel nearby sucks and he has no friends he could drop in on.

The catechectician dislikes three things above all, in his immediate vicinity: questions answered with questions, criticism and drama.

He wonders, am I projecting?

Am I the one causing drama, like by walking out?

Maybe?

Who’s asking? he asks.

Who wants to know?

The catechectician consults the I Ching online and gets such awesome results he continues consulting it until the I Ching gets sick of it and stops making sense.

Quit being an asshole, says the I Ching.

If you want to attract people, you have to be attractive, says the I Ching.

Fill your well, says the I Ching.

Who’s asking? says the I Ching.

Who wants to know?

Behold the sturgeon

The sturgeon decides enough is enough and decides to finish turning that cluttered room in the cellar into a studio/workshop/whatever. He marches downstairs, opens the door, steps inside and stands there gobsmacked by the horribility of the mess.

He is standing there while his youngest daughter enters. “Dude, I would totally put a sofa right there,” she says. “Or a big mafia boss chair, at least.”

He throws out some stuff, then goes to bed and sleeps.

The next day he goes back down there and throws away some more stuff. Other stuff he arranges in boxes and puts away in an orderly manner. Slowly it begins to look better than before.

He stands at the work table going through papers he has, for whatever reason, saved. Post-Its with scribbles on them, for instance. You never know when you will need one of those. Instruction manuals for computers he no longer has.

A piece of paper reading, “I love you” in the handwriting of one of his daughters. Tapes that to the wall.

Later he finds a Valentine’s card his oldest daughter gave him when she was four or five.

This is time travel, it dawns on him. This is two tin cans connected by a string, stretched between him, now, and that little girl sixteen, seventeen years ago.

He holds the can up close to his ear.

He can hear her voice, as he reads the card.

“I want you to be happy,” she says.

“I love you,” she says.

“I am giving you a castle with lots of roses.”

The world is full of these tin can telephones, crossing decades, he thinks.

This is why he can’t throw anything away. You never know.

Everything comes to a stop for a minute, down there in the cellar.

“I am giving you a castle with lots of roses, just for you and me.”

That’s all they want from him, he realizes. That is the only thing – for him to be happy.

Everyone who loves me wants only for me to be happy, he thinks.

So he decides to be happy.

Just like that.

And he is.

His oldest daughter, she of the time traveling tin can phone, writes of her trip through India and he is happy, amazed at her talent for writing, her eye for detail, her heart for the world.

His youngest daughter informs him that he has to drive her into Vienna before work tomorrow for a dance lesson. He asks her what sort of dance and she says, pole dancing, and he is happy.

He plays cello with his teacher at a lesson and at one point the beauty of Vivaldi moves him to the verge of tears, and he is happy.

He tapes the Valentine’s card to the wall of his shop. Then he throws away some more junk.

Tortoise update

Nice thunderstorm last night, complete with lightning and thunder (duh) real close, and cloudbursts. In the middle of it all, I checked on the tortoise, to see if he’d gone into his house. He had not. He was atop his stone.

My interpretation was that he was just, you know, c’mon baby, who cares about a little storm!!?!

My wife’s was that he was protecting his stone from the elements.

I put both of them into his house.

This morning, after I finish my coffee, I’ll put his rock back in its usual spot. I’m afraid he’d never come back out of his house if I didn’t (he = tortoise, not rock).

(Apparently the rock = female).

Dz, dz, dz

A story of mine (“Immune”, a zombie love story) was just published online as a podcast at Words with JAM. What is especially awesome IMO is the musical piece that accompanies it.

Fighting bad guys

A minor chord sits on the sofa and wonders why this character in this police drama he watches on television sometimes gets under his skin the way she does. She is an afterthought! She has no dramatic function! She could be edited right out and things would still make sense, no one would miss her and no scenes would need to be reshot! All she does is make unimportant observations, agree with the other characters or once in a very great while provide a little exposition the writers were too lazy to squeeze in more creatively. It is as if the producers were contractually obligated to use this actress so ordered the writers to add a role for her in finished scripts and they did so, lazily. She has no profile. She is invisible, and yet there she is!

She needs something. She needs to battle a bad guy, be in peril, shoot a gun, jump into cold water, break a bone (her own or someone else’s). And not just stand there like a character in a show set in a room with an automatic door opener who tells other characters, “The door is closed. Look, the door just opened. Now it’s open. Now it’s closed again.”

The minor chord sits there and wonders what it is about her he so dislikes, and why.

It takes him a while to figure it out.

Meanwhile he goes to Oslo and sees graffitti on a wall in blue or purple (he forgets) block letters a meter high: “LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL”.

Thank you Oslo, he thinks.

Meanwhile, he remembers something someone said about having your love rejected is more painful than not being loved. Might just be right.

Still, life is beautiful and so on.