2023 metamorphosism.com International St. Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest



Welcome to the something-something-th edition of the metamorphosism.com St. Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest.
2023 already.
Remember when 2001 was, like, the distant future?
The years just keep getting weirder, don’t they.
So weird, so fast, it’s hard to keep up.
2022 ended well, with Greta Thunberg owning that “alpha male”. Teenaged girls FTW. They have my genuine respect. I used to have 2 teenaged girls, I know whereof I speak, they are the future and don’t pick fights with them.
Used to have as in, they are all grown up now doing other stuff.
And 2023 started well, with the Mud Wizard, whom we will probably forget before the end of this contest (entries must be submitted prior to Valentine’s day i.e. February 13 is the deadline), but it was great seeing him taunt those police officers stuck in the mud, gosh.
Here are useful facts about the contest:
There is no prize this year. Don’t ask why. I can’t be arsed, I could offer a jar of marmalade or mostarda but it turns out I am very bad at sending food through the mail. ORP has a fine new album out but if you want that you have to go buy it.
So your prize is the honor of winning.
Can’t take that away from you.
Rules: As usual, entries have to be in proper limerick form.
Language: dirty words are acceptable, these are limericks after all. No hate speech. I reserve teh right to delete without explanation posts I find objectionable (including trouble-makey, complainy or trollish stuff), by posting here you agree to that. Just keep it light and fun okay? Life is short.
Make entries as a comment below this post.
Enter as often as you like.

Rules may be changed, updated, deleted, etc. without notice.

Themes: You get extra points and your chance of winning goes up if you incorporate some or all of the random themes, which also change without warning.
Themes this year include: The town of Cork. Waterfowl. A flag. Grass. A grunt. Angina. Venus. A chorus. A clock. Sailors. Something heinous. Anatomy. The planet Uranus. Baking shows. Paths to enlightenment. Microdosing vs. just dosing psychedelics. The fact that everything is interconnected and we are all manifestations of the universe experiencing itself. Spooky action at a distance and quantum entanglement.Ideas for new inventions. Alternatives to capitalism. Synonyms for “horny”. Baking competitions. Spy balloons. Good news on the environmental front. Sleeping disorders. Anatomy of the skull. Medieval music notation. Varieties of bagpipe. Yoga injuries. Varieties of oranges (the citrus fruit). Interesting animal behavior facts. Life hacks. Limericks written in the style of a famous author. Problems caused by boomers. Hopeful facts. Something happy. Bacteria in sourdough and cheese. Your personal apocalypse theory. Are cats better than dogs? The most unusual place you or someone you know has had sex. English words combining Greek and Latin roots. Bouldering. Marmalade recipes. Mud Wizards and other humorous pies in the face of the patriarchy, guillotines, pitchforks, pie recipes, Covid brain and other potential causes of future zombieism, legal and socially-acceptable sexual perversions, popular music genres, and parasites and parasitism.
More will be added so check this space.

15 responses to “2023 metamorphosism.com International St. Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest

  1. Zissou

    There once was a woman from Surrey
    Who always made love in a hurry.
    For she said, “I am wary
    That, being so hairy,
    To linger would make me a Furry.”

  2. KayO

    Citrus fruit spreads found in Moose Jaw
    Taste subtly of some je ne sais quoi.
    But Marmalade dreams
    In New Orleans, it seems,
    Sing “Voulez-vous couchez avec moi?”

  3. Tony

    I consider the fruit called tangelo
    To be best when it is picked quite yello
    But I couldn’t do that
    On account of the cat
    Who was in the way playing the cello.

  4. Tony

    On the Internet I heard a rumor
    Of cures for a particular tumor
    All that it took
    Was buying a book.
    Ha! Yeah, Okay boomer.

  5. Tony

    Certain naughty Gregorian chants
    Have the effect of removing your pants
    Instead of a neume
    Go get a room
    ‘Cause no one should witness that dance.

  6. KayO

    Within the deluxe residencia
    The feast was about to commencia.
    ‘Twas the señor’s conceit
    To serve oranges sweet
    From his own homegrown stash of Valencia.

    (I know I missed the window for orange varieties, and it’s a stupid limerick anyway, but I want partial credit for the diacritic.)

  7. KayO

    The current themes seem kinda scary;
    I guess I’ll just throw a Hail Mary.
    Of manifestations
    I have no narrations:
    Sweet Jesus, we really need Perry.

  8. KayO

    Said the guru, “It’s simple, my son;
    Nirvana awaits everyone.
    But it’s really pathetic
    To be an ascetic
    When hedonists have all the fun.”

  9. KayO

    While shagging the newly elected
    Prime minister, Randy reflected:
    “My tiniest thrust
    Could make Tokyo combust,
    Because it’s all interconnected.”

  10. KayO

    Bell’s Theorem provided the traction
    For Enstein’s proposed spooky action.
    This tale of two particles
    Touches the hearticles,
    Proving long-distance attraction.

  11. KayO

    Though “happy” is hard to define,
    And pleasures no cinch to assign,
    Still, some things are simple
    Like popping a pimple
    And smelling clean sheets on the line.

  12. Perry iles

    Eating fruit keeps you bowels quite regular
    Though the limerick concepts are nebular
    For the sole rhyme for orange
    Is a Welsh Hill called the Blorenge
    Which is probably snow covered in Februar

  13. Perry Iles

    Next Saturday night at the lido
    We’ll go for swim incognito
    You can look at the women
    When they’re dressed up for swimmin’
    But watch out for paedos in Speedos

  14. Perry Iles

    Microdosing’s a whole load of balls
    If you’re going to take drugs, take ‘em all
    You might not get toned
    But at least you’ll get stoned
    And you won’t have to care about, you know, making stuff rhyme and shit

  15. Perry Iles

    We’re a giant ball flying through space
    And we go at a hell of a pace
    But Mercury cheats
    By having winged feet
    So thank heavens we’re not in a race