Careers in Science: Typhlology

You’re sure we’re alone? the first one said.

Elvis has left the building, said the second one.

And O what a building it was. Like an airplane hangar, only infinitely larger. Mild white light. Non-Euclidian geometry, yadda yadda.

Their steps echoed, although they couldn’t see their feet.

I thought no feet meant ghosts, said the first one.

That’s a Japanese thing.

So what happened to him?

He didn’t see it coming. What happens when a scientist treats himself as a theory, and then disproves the theory?

The first one shrugged.

In answer to his own question, the second one gestured around them. This happens, I guess.

Soundtrack: a high-pitched whine like tinitus.

The first one bent over and picked something up. It was a Nehi soda bottle cap, with the crennelated edge flattened out, painstakingly as if by a bored person with needle-nosed pliers.

I wouldn’t do that, said the second one, but it was too late. The first one threw it like a shuriken and it struck a wall. Oily red-black liquid sprayed into the room in a very, very thin jet.

They waded around like that as the liquid rose to their ankles, then higher. The sound of their steps changed, then they were dog-paddling to keep their noses above the surface.

So where’d he go? said the first one.

The second one tried to shrug, but he couldn’t swim and shrug at the same time. Off learning life lessons somewhere, I guess, he said.

Extra credit

See, the morning rants on the way to town are not in vain.

In school recently, teacher asks So who can explain the differences between a planned economy and a free market economy?

And Gamma raised her hand and explained, because we had just been talking about it.

And what conclusion can you draw from that? the teacher asked.

After the revolution the rich will be lined up against the wall and pew-pew-pew, is what Gamma did not say, because that’s still a secret she can think for herself. No, she said something achieving an optimal mix of the two.

Of course, if the teacher asks about the benefits of nonsensical, complicated technologies designed to generate a stream of revenue rather than any actual customer benefit, my morning sermons will be less useful.

Goldschmutz – Going to Mass on Sunday

Just in time for Easter. Video from a family outing to a nearby pilgrimage church a couple weekends ago. Music is me on tin whistle (Going to Mass on Sunday – traditional air) slowed way down, and theremin thru several effect devices. NSFthose bothered by holy relics.

Mr. Cordyceps’ experiments

Mr. Cordyceps decides to approach life scientifically, to the extent that he is capable of that, in the sense of testing hypotheses. That is, he decides to conduct a series of experiments in which he devises a hypothesis, then tests it in the field, after which he will consider the hypothesis disproven and reject it, orĀ  proven, and accept it, or adjust the hypothesis and test it further.

The first hypothesis he decides to test is that his wife is always right.

The experiment he devises to test this hypothesis is quite simple, and involves, initially, doing everything she tells him to do when she tells him to do it, rather than resisting her input and doing what he would normally do.

The results of this initial experiment are as follows: the hypothesis is true, his wife is always right.

The second hypothesis he decides to test is that, ceteris paribus, there is a causal link between caloric intake and body weight. This hypothesis also corresponds to experimental data.

Mr. Cordyceps decides to continue his scientific investigation of life.

Writing prompt

Write a story or poem incorporating the following phrases*:

  • Flat sourdough loaf (it could be the name of a western town)
  • Careers in zymurgy
  • Sometimes you’re the
  • translate behold the smart irishman into latin
  • a lady of leisure limerick
  • bifurcated sleep pattern
  • head scratcher
  • flounder facts
  • flounder jokes
  • condolezza rice tits
  • what is inkblot plate iii
  • great white whale facts

*what was life like before we had search results? I can’t remember.

OTOH, this makes me question the sense of writing a blog at all.

Everything will be alright, just not in the way you imagine

Crazy old Mr. Cordyceps, remember reading about him in the local paper when the Humane Society came that one winter and took away all those mangy ponies he had, with ribs sticking out and hooves that needed trimming so badly they were starting to curve around? What ever happened to him, you ask?

He lived in that old house until it got so full of junk he never threw away that there was only room for the mice, then he moved into that old trailer in front, the one covered with the green algae because it was so shady under the big fir tree and it rained all the time. He lived in there with his dogs. In winter he let them sleep on the bed because he had no heat.

The neighbors complained about the dogs howling. When the Humane Society came for those, they found crazy old Mr. Cordyceps dead inside the trailer.

The dogs hadn’t touched him.

His house was full of musical instruments and boxes of doll clothes.

Most of the musical instruments were warped and broken, because the roof leaked and the windows were broken; or gnawed by mice. The neck of the banjo curved like a boomerang, but the trombone worked fine.

The trailer was full of styrofoam hamburger trays, all licked clean. There was a bag of onions, and a couple changes of clothes. There was a stack of notebooks on a table, with the years written on the front in ballpoint pen.

The last entry read, “Everything will be alright, just not in the way you imagine.”