Other Man: Psshht weee bzz pssshshhh delivery flmflmflm psshhhh bzz.
Man: (Throws dog snacks to two crows)
Man: Sorry, what?
Other Man: (A little plaintive) Psshhh bzz I’m woooom flmflmflm bzzz (delivery company name) bzzz home?
Man: (to the crows) Here you fuckers.
Other Man: ???
Man: I’m terribly sorry, I’m outside and it’s very windy. Would you mind repeating one more time?
Other Man: I’m bzzz pssshhhweee (delivery company name) delivery at (recites man’s address) no one home?
Man: Ah, gotcha. No, no one is home. You can just leave the parcel by the door.
Man: Here’s your last handful, you greedy wankers.
Man: Or, you know what, you’re at the house now?
Other Man: Yes (recites address again)
Man: There’s a terrace behind the house. Just put the parcel on the table.
Hunting dog walking by on leash: (Sniffs man’s dogfood pocket)
Man: Hey fuck off buddy.
Other Man: There is a table. On the table.
Man: Yes. There is, like, a little roof over the table. And the item in the package is not sensitive even if it does rain (just keep it away from open flame if you know what I mean) (and don’t drop it) just put it on the table (cats will pee on it but I’m throwing away the box anyhow).
Other Man: Okay.
Man: Thanks! Have a nice day!
Tag Archives: photography
I had been kind of worried about these thistles this summer. I had meant to shoot them last year but never managed; this year we are having a heat wave and I was afraid it would happen again. Made time this morning though and did a few.
I really like these thistles. I planted them several years ago after someone at the nursery told me local bugs like them. They are popular with wasps and some black and yellow hornet-looking guys; I was surprised no one stung me when I cut a few to put into the vase.
It was windy today but calmed down long enough to make three plates of flowers – a red hollyhock and lavender, both picked in front of the house.
Shot on black aluminum plate, 13x18cm (5x7in). It is hot out this weekend, supposed to hit at least 32c today (about 90f) so I used sugar developer, which slows down development, because my normal developer has been working very fast lately anyway, resulting in overdeveloped plates. One aims for 15 seconds developing time, and for previous plates with normal developer the midtones were out after about 8 seconds, and if I went longer I ended up with fogging etc. The sugar in the sugar developer mechanically (I believe) slows development, useful in hot weather.
The two plates I shot today of the allium in my back yard took 12-15 seconds and were, overall, of satisfactory quality, at least no overdevelopment.
The only two problems I ran into this morning, besides something or someone spilling a small beaker of developer (the cats were around, and someone was watering the garden) were: 1) there was a slight breeze, which resulted in the long-stemmed, heavy flowers swaying/moving and so blurring during the 2-3 second exposures. For the second plate, shown here, I stopped the largest flower with my hand before shooting, but it still moved a little.
2) The second problem was the plate itself. There is a scratch at the middle of the left edge. I would assume I had done this removing it from the silver bath, or in the plate holder, but other plates from the same source also have this scratch. Also there is a sort of texture to the plate, that kinda grid pattern on the right side, which I think is connected with the protective plastic layer over the plate, or something else from the production process. If this turns up with many more plates I shall find myself forced to contact the seller.
Otherwise, I am happy with the image.
I got a good night’s sleep last night and as a result feel human today. Although Monday, today is a holiday. My wife is away on business (she texted me this morning that she was still alive, a few minutes after a 5.4 earthquake in Tokyo), the kids are resting and/or studying, the cats are sleeping. So, after vacuuming the downstairs and mopping a few floors I saw no reason not to set up my photographic gear and make a couple alutypes in the backyard.
Initially I wanted to take a picture of the rosebush in the flower bed in front of the house, but it was too windy – the roses would have blurred too much with a 2 or 3 second exposure.
So I picked some roses, put them in a vase and took pictures of them on a table against the wall of the neighbor’s shed, which is white-ish stucco.
I tried a couple different collodions. The first picture uses a newer collodion, which is quite a bit faster than that used for the second picture, it being both a different formula and about a year old – normally, I believe, one uses collodion up after a few months because it gets slower over time and also maybe unstable, but I’m not sure.
I’m just trying different things out. It went well today, I was happy with the first picture, which was only a test really. Less happy with the second, which came out a little dark. They will both get darker again when I varnish them tonight.
Barbecued for lunch today. Tried chicken breasts stuffed with feta and garlic, was good although maybe too much garlic.
After lunch it rained for a while, then when it stopped I set up all my wet plate stuff and shot a few plates. Learning from past mistakes, I went slower this time and got a couple plates that I think are okay, of a bush and a bouquet. Was too windy to shoot much, the bush is blurry as you can see. Too windy for portraits, which was good because the family currently is unwilling to pose for portraits. Not even the tortoise holds still long enough.
I’m eventually going to need a new camera, brass parts are starting to fall off the one I have. Nothing essential yet, but it’s only a matter of time…