Things that go through your mind when you are locked in the urologist’s office at the beginning of a long weekend
Wtf?
Where is everybody?
What was… did someone just lock the door from the outside?
Unlikely.
(Checking the door)Dang.
(Mental image of the John Travolta gif meme)
(Physically acting out the meme)
(Chuckle)
Dang
On the bright side, plenty of rubber gloves and lube.
Probably Viagra, too.
If only talented actress Pia Hierzegger were here.
(Jk I did not have any thoughts about respected actress Pia Hierzegger.)
Where was I?
If I call the urologist’s office, I will get the out of office message and it might include an emergency number.
Oh FFS why are they speaking so fast on this recording? How many times will I have to dial this before I have the whole emergency number written down?
Answer. Answer. Answer. Pick up the phone.
Leave a message, are you serious?
Theoretically if he gets a notification when someone leaves a message, if I leave a lot of messages he might get the idea that something weird is going on and listen to them before I turn into a dusty skeleton with cobwebs.
Dusty skeleton wearing dusty rubber gloves.
I could try climbing out the window. It is only one storey down.
But I could not close the window behind me.
Would it make sense to call the fire department? Would the police arrest me if I called them?
Maybe I can find, with much luck, the private number of the urologist.
Well it was worth a try.
I am going to have to call Alpha.
I could inform Alpha that I am going to be a bit late.
(Mental image of Alpha setting Rube Goldbergian construction of various social relationships, administrative organizations and political bodies the existence of which I can only guess at in motion to effect my rescue.)
Yep, I live in the Kafka/Three Stooges timeline for sure.
(Speaking to the apologetic urologist, who calls me like two minutes after I call Alpha) Be polite and friendly, he’s your urologist.
(Speaking to the urologist’s helper, who releases me shortly thereafter) Be polite and friendly, she makes your appointments, how should she know to check the practice for stray humans before locking up for the weekend. Errare humanum est.
Posted in Das Gehirn, Feral Living, Metamorphosism
Tags: kafka, list, locked in, pia hierzegger, stream of consciousness, thinking, three stooges, trapped, urology
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