Look, I’m married to the greatest woman in the world and I just wanted to say, first of all, that the following post has nothing whatsoever to do with Alpha in any way, shape or form. And I’m being serious. It’s just a scene that’s been playing in my head all day that I want to get out and thought maybe writing it down would work.

Anyway. Scene I: at a therapist’s office. During the entire scene, by the way, Alpha is 200 miles away getting a shiatsu massage from a master masseur which leaves her feeling relaxed, vitalized and 15 years younger, not that there’s anything wrong with the age she is.

Therapist: “You say your husband is reluctant to take on everyday responsibilities?”
Woman (not Alpha, who is 200 miles away): “Um, yes.”
Therapist: “And this situation bothers you?”
Woman: “Well, of course, but I’ve tried everything, what can I do to get him to change?”
Therapist: [whispered] “Feed him the flesh of a bishop.”
Woman: “Excuse me?”
Therapist: “I said, you must concentrate on changing the way you react to circumstances, that’s ultimately the only way one can control one’s own circumstances.”
Woman: “But it sounded like something with bishop.”
Therapist: “No, no.”

Scene II, dinner

Husband: “You sure this is chicken? Tastes like pork.”
[cue laughtrack]
Wife: “About the garbage…”
Husband: “No problem, honey, I’ll get to it right after dinner.”
[more laughtrack]