Valentine’s Day is big at Feral Living, as you can tell. Not only do we have a Feral Limerick contest (winners to be announced later today): we have also conducted the following research for your amusement.

In short, the study tests a hypothesis put forward by Dr. Sheila in a recent AIM conversation that men respond more to visual cues while women respond more to voice and tactile cues.

Test one: male response to visual stimuli
Subject: 42 year-old male.
Location: UN entrance gate in Vienna.
Subject approaches gate in embassy vehicle. Holds identification badge to window, expecting wizened male guard who is usually at that gate to emerge from guardhouse, view badge and activate gate mechanism to admit vehicle.
Instead, The Pretty Guard emerges from guardhouse! And, whoa! She’s added blonde highlights to her black hair! Looks good!
Subject’s reaction: fumbles, drops identification badge. In process of recovering badge, stalls vehicle, greatly amusing The Pretty Guard.
Conclusion: strong male response to visual stimuli.

Test two:
Subject: Alpha
Location: Miguel’s house.
Subject given Valentine’s Day gifts of flowers, fancy sunglasses and a letter which among other things explains why the sunglasses are appropriate (thanks Michele). Tactile stimuli: flowers, letter, designer accessories. Voice: both voice of researcher going “blah blah Givenchy sunglasses blah blah” and voice in written form in the letter.
Subject’s reaction: positive, happy, and friendly.
Conclusion: inconclusive, although significant female response to tactile and voice stimuli. Further research required.

Test three:
Subject: same
Location: same
Researcher: “you’ll have to wear those next time we have sex.”
Subject: [modeling sunglasses with big smile on face] “who knows if I’ll still like them 5 years from now.”
Conclusion: inconclusive. Further research necessary.