Yes, that’s right.
It’s February already.
And that means one thing.
If you guessed a holiday symbolized by something that looks a lot like a prostate, you’re close.
The 2014 metamorphosism.com St. Valentine’s Day Limerick contest is open for business.
Because we are almost as serious about poetry as Russians are.
‘Is there a prize this year?’ I hear you ask. The answer is, Yes, there is a prize. The prize is my book ‘The Bug’, chock full of whimsical Bug comics. More information on The Bug is available here, and if you would like to purchase a copy you may do that here.
Before entering the contest, please read the following rules. To encourage you to read the rules, instructions on how to enter the contest are hidden within the rules.
- The more often you enter, the better your chances of winning. But read the other rules first.
- Violation of any of the following rules may hurt your chances, so, really, read them.
- And never forget, any of the following rules are subject to change without notice, at the whim of the contest organizers, and by entering you accept this fact, and all of the rules, even though they may change at any time, because the rules are a work in progress, an organic thing, ever-growing and ever-changing, the way a shark must always swim to stay alive, or one half of a dolphin’s brain is always awake.
- Entries must be limericks. (This rule never changes, promise.)
- Entries should be artful and delight the reader’s artistic sensibilities.
- Being limericks, entries may of course be humorous, bawdy, shocking, obscene, etc., but this is not required. All that is required is that the entry be a limerick (A-A-B-B-A rhyme scheme, etc, look it up).
- Points are subtracted for violation of any of these rules.
- Points are also subtracted arbitrarily in accordance with the application of the algorithm of unfairness.
- Bonus points are awarded for incorporation of bonus themes, listed below.
- Bonus themes: Edgar Allan Poe, especially The Raven; Norse mythology; Hugh Hefner; disfiguring diseases;
finger lengthhuman anatomy in general; wet-plate collodion photography/photographers; Olympic athletes and events; 21st-century financial products; revolutions and revolutionaries throughout the ages; utopias.
- Bonus themes are subject to change during the contest, possibly rendering entries previously eligible for bonus points suddenly ineligible.
- But don’t worry, it’s all good.
- Entries should be submitted in the comments to this post.
- Deadline is 14 February, winners will be announced 14 February.
- Judging and other procedures in the conduct of this contest pretend to be crooked, but they are actually pretty fair, but there is never any guarantee this will be the case this time. Just assume the contest is crooked and unfair and you won’t be disappointed.
- Complaints will be deleted.
- There is no right to, nor avenue of, appeal.
- You may enter as often as you like. So check back often to read all the new entries and see if the rules have changed, or the bonus themes.
- Feel free to email me at email@example.com if you have any questions or find one particular limerick especially great or whatever.
- Please have fun.
- Last, but not least: my deep thanks to my talented friend Bran Fox for designing the logo for this year’s contest.