- The Nigerian grifter catfish is, oh, about six feet long.
- The Nigerian grifter catfish goes swimming around, minding its own business.
- The Nigerian grifter catfish looks harmless, except for the being a giant catfish part.
- But watch out! The Nigerian grifter catfish is a trickster.
- I have it on good authority that the Nigerian grifter catfish will get that book of yours published for a blowjob and a box of clementines1, and some money up front for the printer.
- The Nigerian grifter catfish will hack into your gmail account. Once, I thought I was chatting with a friend and she was just being weird, but it turned out her account had been hacked. So beware! It could happen to you!
- Also another popular Nigerian grifter catfish trick is to pretend to be gagging on an inflatable ball and be all “help me mister i keep floating”. Even Jeff Bridges believes this. This is a good gig for the fish because it masks the fact that they are not capable of speech. With the ball in their mouths, they are all “mmmpf mmmpf gghmph” and the fishermen’s imaginations run away with them and they think they hear something about “three wishes” or something. Thing is, after that fish in the Jeff Bridges’ pictures swam away, the guy noticed his watch was missing.
- I should say, “Jeff Bridges believes this, ironically,” because he is the son of Lloyd Bridges, who played Mike Nelson in a popular television show called Seahunt, which was my favorite at the time (although I only saw it in syndication, and not while it was being produced, as we did not have a television at that time and also I was too young) and so should know better, as I’m sure his dad must have talked about water-related bad guys at the dinner table.
- They’re not picky, that looks like a Swatch, I have one just like it.
- Here’s another one doing it. So be careful.
- The Nigerian grifter catfish also happens to be, currently, my favorite non-existent Disney character. What’s yours?
1“On good authority” means I am not the boss of that particular fact.
it is a little sad that grifter catfish died trying to eat a ball (read: posing with a ball to lure victims), but under the circumstances, there is a limit to the amount of pity i feel. it is exactly like the guy who was robbing a house, then fell and broke his ankle and had to call the paramedics. you just can’t extend the same level of compassion.