Little-known facts about the true limpet

  • First off, the term “limpet” is inexact, referring to salt- and freshwater gastropods with lungs or gills.
  • If you mean a marine limpet of the ancient order, you have to say “true limpet”.
  • Although “marine limpet of the ancient order” sounds sort of cool by itself.
  • Conical shells, mostly under 3″ in diameter, stuck to rocks or other hard substrates, often covered with growth of algae making them even harder to see, etc etc.
  • Ambivalent by nature, the true limpet currently thinks maybe everyone ought to vote for McCain after all, on sort of a variant of the “you break it you buy it” rule, namely, “you break it, you keep breaking it until everyone figures it out, then you eat it if they have to shove it down your throat, then you leave them alone for a long time.”
  • Or, maybe not, on second thought. The true limpet would feel a lot better about voting for Obama, though, if he could be certain that the Democrats would not just, once again, drain yet another Republican quagmire and then go back to business as usual, but instead make them regret creating a quagmire in the first place, really put them off the idea of making any more in the future. You know, like, punitive taxes on those responsible for the Wall St. mess (by which the true limpet does not mean poor home buyers), or laws to finally make corporations subject to punishment for misdeeds, including real fines that hurt, freezes on all activity (akin to imprisoning human evildoers) all the way up to permanent confiscation of all assets for capital (hrhr) crimes.
  • The true limpet is also wondering how much it ought to worry about the Mayan calendar and December 2012, and whether the surface of a rock in the intertidal zone is the safest place to be if this is right.
  • True limpets invented the term “clampdown”: when they really clamp down, brute force alone is insufficient to remove them from their rock. The limpet would rather be squished than let go of its rock. They are, however, often susceptible to sweet talk.
  • Most limpets graze on algae.

6 responses to “Little-known facts about the true limpet

  1. If the Supreme Court appointments were not at stake, I would totally agree with the “clean your own damn room” idea, but…

  2. George Stickel

    The true limpet narrowly missed working with McCain’s grandfather during WWII, but he was barking at U-boats, and nowhere near the Pacific. No wait, that was the incredible limpet.

  3. cj

    Do marine limpets of the ancient order wear funny hats and meet on the second Thursday of the month to plan pancake breakfast fundraisers?

  4. mig

    they used to march in parades too, but it was too hard to get them off the floats when it was over.

  5. An elderly gentleman, clearly an Obama supporter, said, on the eleven o’clock news last night, regarding Sarah Palin, “I think if we ever need someone who can shoot a moose and butcher him, then we can vote her in as vice president.” In an attempt to find out if the true limpet would agree with this statement, I did some research on my own. I found this:

    http://www.answers.com/topic/patellogastropoda-true-limpets-biological-family

    and read this: “Most patellogastropods are dioecious, although both simultaneous and protandric hermaphroditism are present in the taxon.” Hmm. The same article also said, “… there is no courtship or mating between individual limpets.” No courtship or mating! Well, that explains, I guess, why they have so much time for idle speculation about presidential politics and the Mayan calendar
    .

  6. mig

    they tried courtship but the mating dance took too long.