50 things I want to do before I am 50

  1. Relax, which eliminates the other 49 because I turn 50 in May and scurrying around to achieve a bunch of stuff would just be a big headache, even if I managed to get my wife to organize stuff, like she used to, but she’s on this DIY kick now,  as in, ‘do it yourself, Mig.’
  2. Although: do celebrities count as things?

What was in my coffee this morning? The scoops weren’t any bigger than usual, and I didn’t even finish the pot* but I’m sitting here smoking my slicks like a dragster, man. What a week: Monday my daughter axed me for money for the train to France because how long can a girl be expected to exist without Urban Decay products? Tuesday I write a story for a book and it is accepted after some revision to add additional craziness. Today, who can say what today will bring?

Here in Austria one is expected to ask for something big for one’s “round birthdays”, otherwise the guests at the expensive dinners you are expected to pay for feel uneasy or something. You’ve always wanted to see Iceland, someone said to me, for example. Actually, I’ve always wanted tickets to Sigur Ros, and find Björk hot in a björkish way, but it would be nice to see a geyser and a pony and people shaking their fists outside banks and stuff.** I’ve wanted to go to Scandinavia in general. To the North. To places where it is not so fucking sunny, and you can see the Northern Lights. Aurora borealis: a summer or winter phenomenon? And, I say not so sunny, but the days are longer in summer, so does it average out? I say not so sunny, but if it’s dark most of the time that might be overdoing that, winter-wise.

Here is what I know about Scandinavia, besides Apocalyptica:

Sweden has moose and mosquitos

In bars in Copenhagen, the bartenders are topless and Filipino transvestites hit on you.

Norway: ???

Finland: Nokia, interesting choirs, Leningrad Cowboys.

So an educational trip would be appropriate.

OTOH, are dobro ukuleles any good? They sure look neat.

*of coffee, dur

**in truth, if any Icelanders are reading this, I have wanted to see Iceland for a long time and I know it is a very beautiful place. I am not slagging your country.