Dear guys looking for actual nymphomania, sorry, wrong website.

I went to the dermatologist last night.

You’re not eating, right?

I went to the dermatologist for three things. My masseuse mentioned a…

I went to the dermatologist last night.

What’s this? I said.

What do you think it is? she asked.

I don’t know, that’s why I came to a dermatologist, I said.

What would you guess? she asked.

I would guess… (How do you say ringworm in German?) I would guess a fungus.

She shook her head. Lyme Disease, she said.

Gah, I said.

She prescribed antibiotics. We discussed another rash (on my face). She said the antibiotics might help that too. She said another thing was nothing to worry about.

I googled Lyme disease when I got home. When I told my doctor that I couldn’t remember getting bit by a tick, at least at that spot (later on I remembered a tick somewhere else) my doctor mentioned that tic nymphs are very small and hard to see and just bite you long enough to infect you and drop off.

I googled Lyme disease when I got home. Geeze. Spirochetes!!! Joint damage. Heart damage. Central nervous system. I have a fat prescription for antibiotics, but still.

Lyme disease, man.

Nymphs, man.

Nymphs, schmymphs.