The life-changing implications of the recent astrological correction

You have no doubt heard about the recent correction of the zodiac. If not, dates were changed and a sign was added – Ophiuchus, the man wrestling with a snake.

This of course has many implications. My first thought was, tattoo artists are going to have a busy year fixing tattoos.

Here are the dates:

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16.
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11.
Pisces: March 11-April 18.
Aries: April 18-May 13.
Taurus: May 13-June 21.
Gemini: June 21-July 20.
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10.
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30.
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23.
Scorpio: Nov. 23-29.
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17.
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.

(Dates copied from the discussion at metafilter,  which is very entertaining.)

Hearing this led me to devise a hypothesis, which I tested this afternoon at the local supermarket.

(Hang on, be right back.)

(Okay, I’m back.)

This was my hypothesis.  Even if you don’t believe in astrology, at some point you learn your sign and read a list of personality traits associated with that sign. Either they fit or they don’t. If they fit, they reinforce those traits. If they don’t, the misalignment creates tension. You try to act in accordance with those traits. Or you act in accordance with them, but the discord makes you unhappy.  And so on.

My hypothesis is, for those of us who find ourselves with a different sign as a result of the changed dates above, acting in accordance with the new, more accurate personality traits will make us happier.

I tried this at the store on my lunch break.

My old sign and traits: Taurus – dependable, loyal, persistent, generous, patient; stubborn, lazy, possessive, materialistic, self-indulgent.

My new sign and traits: Aries – independent, generous, optimistic, enthusiastic, courageous; moody, short-tempered, self-involved, impulsive, impatient.

All my life, for example, I’ve been telling myself I was patient because Taureans are patient, while I am in fact the least patient person I know. So at the store today, when some dozy lady blocked the aisle with her cart while deciding which yogurt she needed, I barged around her instead of making myself wait.

And it felt so right!

The scales fell from my eyes.

My hypothesis requires further testing, of course. Generous appears in both lists, yet I am stingy and selfish. At the same time, the negative attributes of both signs are equally accurate. However, I am optimistic about this idea (optimistic! That’s an Aries trait!). Taurus is an earth sign. When I was a kid I thought I should like pottery and gardening. I sucked at pottery, though. I made a lizard once that didn’t look much like a lizard. And gardening! You should see my yard. I hate gardening! Now I can say it! My apple tree is in dire need of pruning, and I haven’t trimmed my shrubs in years. I say it’s so the hedgehogs have a nice place to hang out, but I’m just a lazy gardener (not because I’m a lazy Taurean, but because gardening never appealed to me!). And Aries is a fire sign, and I’m a huge pyromaniac. Huge.

So I have a good feeling about this one.

Excellent…

Everything is going as planned.

(scroll down the page a little, maybe)

Today’s Horoscope: Taurus

You could entertain others with your wit and charm which may be because you are in a humorous mood today.

Have you heard the one about the astrologist who fell into the log chipper?