Ten things you should know about Christmas

Just kidding. I just wanted to say how much I fucking hate cars.

I had totally forgotten about it, but Brian reminded me.

Anyhow, I fucking hate ‘em.

You probably didn’t know that.

In high school, I couldn’t understand the kids who spent all the money they earned working two jobs on their muscle cars, while I saved mine for a trip to Europe and stuff like that.

Until one let me drive his Camaro. So, okay, they’re really fun to drive. More fun than a 1958 Chevy Apache half-ton pickup truck, or a VW Golf on its last legs, that sets itself on fire when you’re 300 miles from home on the Olympic Peninsula, and Swiss hitchhikers laugh at you.

I especially hate Fiat Doblos, although they look okay. Nice design, lousy mechanics.

Decent public transportation would save so much money it’s not even funny. Theoretically. Of course, someone can always fuck up public transportation and so on.

I took the train to work for 5 years until I got tired of repeatedly having bronchitis every winter, like 4-5 times a winter.

Barring the discovery of some miraculous new energy source that will enable cheap flying cars, though, seriously, what about slot cars? Lightweight electric cars that look like Formula 1 racers, powered not from heavy batteries, but practically battery-free, powered instead by juice from rails in the center of the lanes? The roads could even be made of solar-electric panels and generate their own power during the day. Maybe this would be an unpopular idea because it eliminates batteries, which are central to a lot of electric car business models.

Anyway, I hate cars. I hate buying them, buying the gas, paying for repairs and paying for insurance. Most of all I hate having to take them to the fucking mechanic to have a light bulb changed. That right there is symbolic for me of the way cars are designed to extract maximum revenue from their owners.

Also, your favorite music sucks. Now get off my lawn. Merry Christmas.

4 responses to “Ten things you should know about Christmas

  1. k

    i hate them too. public transportation isn’t what it should be down here in crazy-ass florida.

    maybe you could go back to the train wearing a surgical mask.

    heh. heehee.

  2. Kelly

    Hahaha! I love this so much Mig. I have a very old truck maintained with benign neglect. I call my old blue truck Fidel after the great and long-lived leader in hope that it will last my lifetime. It is old enough to allow me to change light bulbs and oil. It just keeps going and going and rusting. Perfect. My music does suck and I tore out my lawn. You should try it! Merry Christmas and a very joyful New Year to you.

  3. I used to love cars before we moved to Europe. Now I wish we didn’t own one and didn’t need one. I hate driving around here- and so does everyone else, based on the number of people who drive around constantly honking their horns. Really annoying.

    It was probably a lot cooler, too, back in the day when everyone here drove European cars instead of disposable Japanese, Korean, and Chinese cars.

  4. mig

    Oh, I totally forgot to mention driving in Vienna. It’s pretty funny sometimes. A few days ago, a driver behind me honked at me because I stopped in the middle of the street. At a crosswalk. To let a blind man (decked out with dark glasses and a white cane) and a little girl cross.