Once she was sweet, and liked you.
And laughed at your jokes. It was like you were a team.
Now she’s grounded for whatever.
And you’re in your room feeling sad and ashamed, scratches on your hands from confiscating her mobile over a “fuck you” and a couple other expressions, and all the keys that fit in your pockets because she threatened suicide. And her mobile phone.
And she’s in her room, unlocked door closed, bruises on her arms from the wrestling, hating you.
This too shall pass, maybe.
I can remember when Diana and I got into “disagreements” which ended with both of us having scratches on our arms. And some furniture being broken (not by me). And the contents of my jewelry box being strewn over the floor of my bedroom. After awhile she got nice again and liked me again. But, Diana was, from age 12 taller and heavier than I, and her father was not around, so the situation was a bit different from yours. I wish you luck with this.
Developmentally on track. Doesn’t last.
Twas ever thus. I know this time will come to us as well, and I mourn it already. I hope it goes by swiftly and lightly for you.
oh, mig. i’m sorry. i know it will pass. and i’ll keep bubbling up thoughts of it passing more quickly and gently than you fear.
teen girls can be painful.
hang in there.
It seems like it really is one of those things that come in their time, and the change comes fast and hard and kicks your guts out.
Not much comfort when you’re in the middle of it, I know, but as others have said I hope it passes quickly.
I’m sure it’s harder now than it was 25 years ago.
Mig I am so sorry. Your post jolted me back a few years with my own child and then that sent me back to my own youth.
So much happening during that time in life. The explosive growth of the brain- unparalleled since birth. It helped me to focus on that, the fact that during our teenage and early adult years we are forging more synaptic connections than ever. We almost completely lose our ability to intuit facial expressions and emotional context in others. And the desire! Lord almighty the angst and the desire for and about everything. You think it will kill you, sometimes you wish it would.
I do feel, as a person who has experienced depression, that any talk of self-harm needs to be addressed and taken seriously. It is such a volatile time for a family.
I am sure you know that your beloved child has built into her all the nurture and wisdom and love her parents have lavished on her. It is part of the reason she can lose it with you. Being able to rage against life in the safety of a loving family is the bomb. Helps you make it through strong and confident in your footing.
Here’s hoping things have calmed a bit.
Well, of course, being me, the thing I was curious about was, does she swear at you in English or in Austrian? Or both?
Our Son said “fuck you” about a zillion times between 14 and 18, i tried different approaches, but was somewhat hampered by the fact that it really didn’t bother me personally, i think i successfully kept my ego from being crushed by a teenage child. But since i didn’t care that much it was also hard to work up the energy to make him stop either.
Our daughter (now 16) is the silent retreating kind of teenager, who must keep her parental “fuck you”s on the inside (she takes after me). Good luck with your teenager!
Her swearing is done in German. She rarely speaks English to me, actually. I would worry, but her sister rarely did either at that age, and she’s fluent now.
Thanks for your comment, Paul, it comforts me as your kids are pretty awesome, it’s good to know it all works out.
I sort of cheer for her inwardly when she tells me to fuck off, as I was always afraid to say anything like that to my parents. Break her spirit is the last thing I want to do. Boy do I get sick of the mobile phone culture, though.