How to justify your existence

First, get some DNA of the person who invented Daylight Savings Time. Or, not the person who invented it, but the person responsible for propogating it.

Someone is always responsible. If you cannot find them, ask your wife, she’s good at that sort of thing.

Hair or fingernail clippings will suffice. Sew them into a voodoo doll and follow normal voodoo procedures. Cause daylight savings time, man. Seriously.

Then go for a walk while it’s still dark, along the creek. It is five AM, not four AM despite what your phone says. Apparently you forgot the clock on your phone when you were resetting clocks yesterday.

Go walk in the dark. Are you walking? Is it dark? By the time you get to the bridge where you turn right to follow the bike path along the creek, you’re already wondering why you felt it necessary to justify your existence in the first place. A calmer voice in your head is beginning to tell you it’s not necessary. That existence is not something that requires justification.

DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS VOICE. If you want to justify your existence, ignore this voice even though it sounds reasonable.

Christ, it’s dark.

And yet, people are still driving around. Austrians are crazy.

Look who’s talking.

At least they’re not out walking around.

Keep walking until you think of a justification. Spring might work. Does spring justify your existence? Frog eggs? Or a journal full of words? Or the steadiness you can give a child dealing with rapid change? Can you teach someone something, like how to ride a bike or that finger snapping/bottle-cap shooting thing, or throat singing?

If you can teach throat singing, please mail me. I’ve tried to teach myself in the car but I keep passing out, which is dangerous when you’re driving.

There must be some way to justify your existence. Maybe you’re not thinking hard enough.

Maybe you just need a cup of coffee. A little caffeine and all these justifications will pop into your head.

Go back to the house and make some coffee.

3 responses to “How to justify your existence

  1. I read a thing yesterday about writing. The author of this thing claims that if you write something and put it out in the world, then you’ve just made an impression on someone out there and it snowballs until you’ve influenced hundreds of people, or thousands, or millions, et cetera. I would imagine it’s a matter of scale. V.S. Naipaul = millions. Mary Sunshine’s fabulous tweets = tens. What Sarah Palin wrote on her hand = life forms several galaxies away.

    Anywho. The point of the thing was that you write, and by writing (publishing) you influence, and that validates your existence.

    So, ten years times say, six blogs? Seven? at an average of one point two posts per day = Mig Living validation. I didn’t even add in tweets, or those clever little things you write on napkins.

    But, OTOH, fuck validation.

  2. mig

    Of course, Sarah Palin’s influencing life forms several galaxies away to exterminate mankind.

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