8th metamorphosism.com International Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest


Time for the 8th (I think) annual Metamorphosism International Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest.

Enter in the comments to this post.
Winners will be announced on 14 February, 2009.
ENTER AS OFTEN AS YOU LIKE!!! But read the rules before entering! Or else!



  1. Poems entered must be an actual limerick. We are strict about this.
  2. Entries must contain a Latin word or phrase.
  3. Extra points awarded for working in one of the following: a king, a burlesque performer, an extinct or rare musical instrument, a prosthesis, NEW: an obsolete, extinct or rare musical instrument. NEW RULE CHANGE HERE: No kings, prostheses or obsolete musical instruments after all. All entries with kings, prostheses or obsolete musical instruments will be disqualified. Unusual or innovative musical instruments will still be allowed. Instead of kings, extra points will be awarded for parasitic diseases affecting the behavior of rats. Prostheses and prosthetic devices shall be replaced by surgical equipment.
  4. NEW RULES (made necessary by the unfortunate flame war in the entries): entries are to include themes of general bawdiness, redeption and reconciliation. Bonus characters: famous peace activists, famous ventriloquists, escape artists. Bonus languages: Latin, Icelandic.
  5. Rules subject to change without warning (changes will be posted here or in a subsequent post)

(Note: Over the years, a number of rude etc expressions have been added to the comment blacklist so if the comments refuse your entry that might be the reason. In that case, mail it to me at metamorphosist (at) gmail dot c0m and I’ll set you up.)

Feel free to search this site for past winners. Good luck.

234 responses to “8th metamorphosism.com International Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest

  1. mn

    Do they know it’s called stab city
    And per se girls there aren’t so pretty?
    but you’ll find a burlesque dancer
    called molly may prancer
    And the rats there are big as a kitty

  2. mn

    There once was a punter called Jerry
    Who travelled to Limerick by Ferry
    A young tyke with a knife
    gave him a fright
    credidit se necatum iri

  3. Trish

    What of Toni the exotic dancer
    The Legion of Mary wanted to lance her
    They went on a trip
    and when drowned on the ship
    Exeunt all the rats that enhanced her

  4. mn

    That reminds me of Maud the Munificent
    To see her was money well spent
    But for the love rats
    it was just tit for tat
    Ergo Maud often earned not a cent

  5. mn

    You see Anon, now shall we go on
    with our ladies and habits thereon
    we have such a store
    of pussy galore
    Ergo the rats I’m afraid, they are gone

  6. mn

    I’m so sorry Dita Von Teese
    That I linked your name with sleaze
    Now I see your photo,
    mirabile dictu
    The face of an angel reprieves

  7. Trish

    To the blood place they sent us to worry
    and the snow was all of a flurry
    Burlesque Billy beside us
    had cytamegalovirus
    I won’t be back here in a hurry

  8. Trish

    Burlesque Billy said he had queued long
    The syringes and ointments did pong
    Then they called “69”
    And he said “Oh that’s fine”
    And behind the paper curtain was gone

  9. Anon

    This has all got out of hand
    You and your friend are in for a land
    I’ve talked to the judges
    who in toto begrudge
    that the rules you don not understand

  10. mn

    I know you’re a woman Anon
    for one would never get this from a Mon
    If you do not desist
    I will have to insist
    on a visit from Burlesque Billy and John

  11. Ann

    Some folks just won’t follow the rules,
    Indeed, some would say they’re like mules,
    They ruin the day,
    For the rest of us, hey,
    Re vera, they look quite the fools!

  12. mn

    What is this Anon, now we have Ann?
    another one I suppose in you gang
    if you bloody fools
    would just check the rules
    re Billy we’ve complied since it began

  13. mn

    Trish I think that we’re in for a spat
    They’re ganging up on us now, that’s a fact
    If we had Jann on our side
    And Amber Marie, woe betide
    Their verse versus ours would detract

  14. Jann’s with Anon and with Ann,
    Some people, in sooth, she would ban,
    Some verse that they make,
    Is quite hard to take,
    And, re vera, should go in the can!

  15. mn

    Oh you treacherous traitor with Ann
    You would have my poems put in the can
    You spoke of Cancun
    In perhaps May or June
    And now my verses you ban?

  16. mn

    Well Trish they just can’t have their own way
    I doubt if the judges they’ll sway
    It’s not over yet
    As the rat said to the vet
    Non omnia possumus omnes

  17. Trish

    I really am quite disappointed
    I’m back from the hospital, anounted
    But accounts of my time
    if in crude vulgar rhyme
    are distasteful to judges appointed

  18. Trish

    So off I shall go with my verse
    To share with others, not quite so terse
    My impertinent folly
    which some find quite jolly
    Though some find quite clearly perverse

  19. Anon

    Though I do have a certain sympathy
    with your various petty vagaries
    But this is a competition not a whine
    and your verse does not quite rhyme
    Latin absent ergo Disce aut Discede

  20. mn

    Now before you react to this Trish
    Deus Meus do not give them their wish
    They did not know
    Because of the snow
    Your finger ended up in a dish

  21. Anon

    Look you girls are trying to hijack
    The Limerick posts, that’s a fact
    i do not wish to be unkind
    but i wouldn’t mind
    Re vera Defence the best form of attack

  22. mn

    There once was an unnamed performer
    who kept spare drawers in a small corner
    When you turned on the light
    they’d give you a fright
    fiat lux nux e-rat

  23. mn

    Look Anon why don’t you tell us your name
    does it bother you, bring you some shame
    you want rid of us, you mock our sad verse
    Ergo do you seek merely some fame?

  24. anon

    You are right, it began as a joke
    and then it became like some coke
    I am sorry I tried,
    and was undignified
    I was obsessed with winning some votes

  25. mn

    Georgina Baillie you will not have missed
    Her latin name means “pleasure” or “bliss”.
    Voluptua on stage
    is now all the rage
    Thanks to Brand and Ross being remiss

  26. Trish

    We exchange our bald thoughts that we get
    and they haven’t the best of us yet
    Circus animals deserted
    And yet we’re still earthed
    Nemo dat quod non habet

  27. mn

    Have you heard of guerrilla burlesque?
    They come and they dance on your desk
    Or in your rats keller,
    They’ll dance with your feller
    Re vera you’d want to have zest

  28. trish

    Guerilla burlesque? I’ll be damned
    But she would not dance with my man
    Though her aura is Ginger
    She’s still just a minger
    I’ll salute her as oft as I can

  29. mn

    They call Delirium tremens “the rats”
    Cholita the Latina had that
    She drank too much liquor
    and got sicker and sicker
    So the rats more resembled some cats

  30. mn

    And while she was there in the throes
    A mad rat came and nibbled her toes
    His behavior was stranger
    The doctor came later
    And erected the sign “Nil per os”

  31. mn

    Well Ann, Anon and dear Jann
    I think that we’ve shown that we can
    de gustibus non
    est disputandum
    we’ll leave you now to your fun

  32. Anon

    Oh do not leave us a Stor
    Now that you’re gone we want more and more
    We went to the brink
    And you made us think
    Deus vult, we want limericks galore

  33. mn

    Trish, Anon must be one of us
    And I say it because it is thus
    In gaelic ‘A stor’
    Means my love and so much more
    It must be an Irish alumnus

  34. Jann

    A mild degree of psychosis,
    Brought on by his toxoplasmosis,
    Caused the young man to bed,
    And, de jure, to wed,
    A much older dame with cirrhosis!

  35. Jann

    By no means as light as a feather,
    She slipped and she fell in bad weather,
    Deus Meus! That’s bad news!
    For it took pins and screws,
    To fasten her bones back together.

  36. Jann

    His problem of mitral stenosis,
    Compounded by toxoplasmosis,
    That he’d got from his cat,
    Which had eaten a rat,
    Brought on a cerebral thrombosis.

  37. mn

    The burlesque entertainer May Twat
    observed one night a sad rat
    his toxoplasmosis
    had brought on neurosis
    He thought it was day, nox erat

  38. mn

    My brother has gone on the run
    With a burlesque Queen May Fun
    My mum who was at him
    Spoke these words in Latin
    Ad vitam aut culpum

  39. leave

    Wertpapieren in der Bilanz

    von Raivo Pommer

    Ein auch im Zusammenhang mit der Finanzkrise öffentlich vieldiskutierter Posten ist die Bewertung von Wertpapieren in der Bilanz. Sie sind generell zum Zeitwert zu bewerten, wobei diese Vorschrift im Umlaufvermögen strenger ausgelegt wird als im Anlagevermögen. Ergibt sich der Zeitwert nicht quasi automatisch aus dem Börsenkurs zum Abschlussstichtag, so muss ein Zeitwert modellhaft nachgebildet werden. Dabei bedient man sich meist der Ertragswertmethode (discounted cash flow), bei der die Annahmen zu hinterfragen sind. In diese Modelle fließen nämlich Erwartungen ein bezüglich der künftigen Erträge aus den Wertpapieren (Zinszahlungen und Tilgung durch den Schuldner), bezüglich der Zinsentwicklung und bestimmter Risiken. Vor solchen Unwägbarkeiten schützt auch die Umwidmung der Papiere aus dem Handels- in den Anlagebestand nicht wirklich. Hier sind gemäß dem “gemilderten Niederstwertprinzip” allerdings nur noch im Rahmen einer Werthaltigkeitsprüfung bei voraussichtlich dauerhafter Wertminderung Abschreibungen nötig. Aber auch hier ist zu hinterfragen, wann ein Unternehmen warum davon ausgeht, dass die von ihm gehaltenen Wertpapiere dauerhaft Wert verloren haben oder eben nicht. Weniger Beachtung als auf der Aktivseite finden die Wertpapiere auf der Passivseite der Bilanz, wo in Bankbilanzen verbriefte Verbindlichkeiten als Gegenposition zu den entsprechenden Wertpapieren der Aktivseite der Käufer stehen. Wenn deren Börsenkurs sinkt, dann nimmt ihr Wert ebenfalls ab, allerdings im Gegensatz zu den Papieren auf der Aktivseite wirkt sich hier eine Wertminderung positiv aus. Hier könnte sich jemand also reicher rechnen, als er ist. Es ist daher allgemein begrüßt worden, dass die Deutsche Bank hier konservativ verfahren ist und nicht versucht hat, ihren Jahresverlust zu schönen.

  40. mn

    Leave ich verstehe zie nicht
    aber das ist kein limerick
    und wo is den chirurgin
    oder die burleske virgin
    Deus vult ein bisschen lateinisch

  41. mn

    Poor Trish nearly died of the cold
    no broadband, dead rat, more untold
    she booked into a hotel
    Deus meus life is swell
    She’ll be here any minute, I’m told

  42. Jann

    To her beau she thought she would propose,
    Two 29 is the date that she chose,
    In her small town in Texas,
    She yelled, “Annus bisextus,”
    ‘Twas a cell that she got: not a rose.

  43. Jann

    The burlesque performer, Moon Líly,
    Who’d left both her husbands in Philly,
    Had a son she called Willy,
    Then a daughter named Milly,
    Ad idem, she’s with her hill bílly.

  44. Jann

    The songs of burlesque star Moon Líly,
    Re vera, were really quite silly,
    The reason was history,
    And to some ’twas a mystery,
    But her fans all loved “Hey dilly dilly”!

  45. Jann

    The burlesque performer Moon Líly,
    Then had twins she named Jilly and Gilly,
    She could dance up a storm,
    She was way past the norm,
    Ad alta! She’s so rich that it’s silly.

  46. Jann

    The burlesque performer Moon Líly,
    Along with her handsome hill bílly,
    Had now their own show,
    They could both dance, you know,
    And, ab hinc, they had added a filly.

  47. Jann

    The mare was the hit of the show,
    Oh yes, ’twas a horse, that is so,
    Though some thought it silly,
    A filly dressed frilly,
    Ad astra! That’s where they would go.

  48. Jann

    Oh Anon, now just where are you, honey,
    Please come out, for the day is quite sunny,
    My dearest Anon,
    I say, “Aw come on,”
    Re vera, your stuff is so funny!

  49. Jann

    The rat had Yersinia pestis,
    That’s plague. Too bad nobody guessed it,
    They thought that his asthma,
    Was from Toxoplasma,
    Now dead! The whole town and one guest is.

  50. Jann

    Anon, I just think you’re so funny!
    Come out, and I’ll give you some money,
    Just maybe a penny,
    That’s more than not any,
    Ad rem. All our lives should be sunny.