PLEASE NOTE NEW, EMERGENCY, (literally) LAST-DAY RULE CHANGES BELOW!!!11!!!!
Time for the 8th (I think) annual Metamorphosism International Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest.
Enter in the comments to this post.
Winners will be announced on 14 February, 2009.
ENTER AS OFTEN AS YOU LIKE!!! But read the rules before entering! Or else!
IMPORTANT NOTICE: THERE HAS BEEN A SMALL CHANGE IN THE RULES FOR THIS YEAR’S CONTEST!!
SECOND IMPORTANT NOTICE! THERE HAS BEEN ANOTHER RULE CHANGE!
- Poems entered must be an actual limerick. We are strict about this.
- Entries must contain a Latin word or phrase.
- Extra points awarded for working in one of the following: a king, a burlesque performer, an extinct or rare musical instrument, a prosthesis, NEW: an obsolete, extinct or rare musical instrument. NEW RULE CHANGE HERE: No kings, prostheses or obsolete musical instruments after all. All entries with kings, prostheses or obsolete musical instruments will be disqualified. Unusual or innovative musical instruments will still be allowed. Instead of kings, extra points will be awarded for parasitic diseases affecting the behavior of rats. Prostheses and prosthetic devices shall be replaced by surgical equipment.
- NEW RULES (made necessary by the unfortunate flame war in the entries): entries are to include themes of general bawdiness, redeption and reconciliation. Bonus characters: famous peace activists, famous ventriloquists, escape artists. Bonus languages: Latin, Icelandic.
- Rules subject to change without warning (changes will be posted here or in a subsequent post)
(Note: Over the years, a number of rude etc expressions have been added to the comment blacklist so if the comments refuse your entry that might be the reason. In that case, mail it to me at metamorphosist (at) gmail dot c0m and I’ll set you up.)
Feel free to search this site for past winners. Good luck.
Do they know it’s called stab city
And per se girls there aren’t so pretty?
but you’ll find a burlesque dancer
called molly may prancer
And the rats there are big as a kitty
There once was a punter called Jerry
Who travelled to Limerick by Ferry
A young tyke with a knife
gave him a fright
credidit se necatum iri
What of Toni the exotic dancer
The Legion of Mary wanted to lance her
They went on a trip
and when drowned on the ship
Exeunt all the rats that enhanced her
That reminds me of Maud the Munificent
To see her was money well spent
But for the love rats
it was just tit for tat
Ergo Maud often earned not a cent
You see Anon, now shall we go on
with our ladies and habits thereon
we have such a store
of pussy galore
Ergo the rats I’m afraid, they are gone
I’m so sorry Dita Von Teese
That I linked your name with sleaze
Now I see your photo,
mirabile dictu
The face of an angel reprieves
To the blood place they sent us to worry
and the snow was all of a flurry
Burlesque Billy beside us
had cytamegalovirus
I won’t be back here in a hurry
Burlesque Billy said he had queued long
The syringes and ointments did pong
Then they called “69”
And he said “Oh that’s fine”
And behind the paper curtain was gone
This has all got out of hand
You and your friend are in for a land
I’ve talked to the judges
who in toto begrudge
that the rules you don not understand
I know you’re a woman Anon
for one would never get this from a Mon
If you do not desist
I will have to insist
on a visit from Burlesque Billy and John
Some folks just won’t follow the rules,
Indeed, some would say they’re like mules,
They ruin the day,
For the rest of us, hey,
Re vera, they look quite the fools!
What is this Anon, now we have Ann?
another one I suppose in you gang
if you bloody fools
would just check the rules
re Billy we’ve complied since it began
Trish I think that we’re in for a spat
They’re ganging up on us now, that’s a fact
If we had Jann on our side
And Amber Marie, woe betide
Their verse versus ours would detract
Jann’s with Anon and with Ann,
Some people, in sooth, she would ban,
Some verse that they make,
Is quite hard to take,
And, re vera, should go in the can!
Oh you treacherous traitor with Ann
You would have my poems put in the can
You spoke of Cancun
In perhaps May or June
And now my verses you ban?
Well Trish they just can’t have their own way
I doubt if the judges they’ll sway
It’s not over yet
As the rat said to the vet
Non omnia possumus omnes
I really am quite disappointed
I’m back from the hospital, anounted
But accounts of my time
if in crude vulgar rhyme
are distasteful to judges appointed
So off I shall go with my verse
To share with others, not quite so terse
My impertinent folly
which some find quite jolly
Though some find quite clearly perverse
Though I do have a certain sympathy
with your various petty vagaries
But this is a competition not a whine
and your verse does not quite rhyme
Latin absent ergo Disce aut Discede
Now before you react to this Trish
Deus Meus do not give them their wish
They did not know
Because of the snow
Your finger ended up in a dish
Look you girls are trying to hijack
The Limerick posts, that’s a fact
i do not wish to be unkind
but i wouldn’t mind
Re vera Defence the best form of attack
There once was an unnamed performer
who kept spare drawers in a small corner
When you turned on the light
they’d give you a fright
fiat lux nux e-rat
Look Anon why don’t you tell us your name
does it bother you, bring you some shame
you want rid of us, you mock our sad verse
Ergo do you seek merely some fame?
You are right, it began as a joke
and then it became like some coke
I am sorry I tried,
and was undignified
I was obsessed with winning some votes
Georgina Baillie you will not have missed
Her latin name means “pleasure” or “bliss”.
Voluptua on stage
is now all the rage
Thanks to Brand and Ross being remiss
We exchange our bald thoughts that we get
and they haven’t the best of us yet
Circus animals deserted
And yet we’re still earthed
Nemo dat quod non habet
Have you heard of guerrilla burlesque?
They come and they dance on your desk
Or in your rats keller,
They’ll dance with your feller
Re vera you’d want to have zest
Guerilla burlesque? I’ll be damned
But she would not dance with my man
Though her aura is Ginger
She’s still just a minger
I’ll salute her as oft as I can
They call Delirium tremens “the rats”
Cholita the Latina had that
She drank too much liquor
and got sicker and sicker
So the rats more resembled some cats
And while she was there in the throes
A mad rat came and nibbled her toes
His behavior was stranger
The doctor came later
And erected the sign “Nil per os”
Well Ann, Anon and dear Jann
I think that we’ve shown that we can
de gustibus non
est disputandum
we’ll leave you now to your fun
Oh do not leave us a Stor
Now that you’re gone we want more and more
We went to the brink
And you made us think
Deus vult, we want limericks galore
Trish, Anon must be one of us
And I say it because it is thus
In gaelic ‘A stor’
Means my love and so much more
It must be an Irish alumnus
A mild degree of psychosis,
Brought on by his toxoplasmosis,
Caused the young man to bed,
And, de jure, to wed,
A much older dame with cirrhosis!
By no means as light as a feather,
She slipped and she fell in bad weather,
Deus Meus! That’s bad news!
For it took pins and screws,
To fasten her bones back together.
His problem of mitral stenosis,
Compounded by toxoplasmosis,
That he’d got from his cat,
Which had eaten a rat,
Brought on a cerebral thrombosis.
The burlesque entertainer May Twat
observed one night a sad rat
his toxoplasmosis
had brought on neurosis
He thought it was day, nox erat
My brother has gone on the run
With a burlesque Queen May Fun
My mum who was at him
Spoke these words in Latin
Ad vitam aut culpum
Wertpapieren in der Bilanz
von Raivo Pommer
Ein auch im Zusammenhang mit der Finanzkrise öffentlich vieldiskutierter Posten ist die Bewertung von Wertpapieren in der Bilanz. Sie sind generell zum Zeitwert zu bewerten, wobei diese Vorschrift im Umlaufvermögen strenger ausgelegt wird als im Anlagevermögen. Ergibt sich der Zeitwert nicht quasi automatisch aus dem Börsenkurs zum Abschlussstichtag, so muss ein Zeitwert modellhaft nachgebildet werden. Dabei bedient man sich meist der Ertragswertmethode (discounted cash flow), bei der die Annahmen zu hinterfragen sind. In diese Modelle fließen nämlich Erwartungen ein bezüglich der künftigen Erträge aus den Wertpapieren (Zinszahlungen und Tilgung durch den Schuldner), bezüglich der Zinsentwicklung und bestimmter Risiken. Vor solchen Unwägbarkeiten schützt auch die Umwidmung der Papiere aus dem Handels- in den Anlagebestand nicht wirklich. Hier sind gemäß dem “gemilderten Niederstwertprinzip” allerdings nur noch im Rahmen einer Werthaltigkeitsprüfung bei voraussichtlich dauerhafter Wertminderung Abschreibungen nötig. Aber auch hier ist zu hinterfragen, wann ein Unternehmen warum davon ausgeht, dass die von ihm gehaltenen Wertpapiere dauerhaft Wert verloren haben oder eben nicht. Weniger Beachtung als auf der Aktivseite finden die Wertpapiere auf der Passivseite der Bilanz, wo in Bankbilanzen verbriefte Verbindlichkeiten als Gegenposition zu den entsprechenden Wertpapieren der Aktivseite der Käufer stehen. Wenn deren Börsenkurs sinkt, dann nimmt ihr Wert ebenfalls ab, allerdings im Gegensatz zu den Papieren auf der Aktivseite wirkt sich hier eine Wertminderung positiv aus. Hier könnte sich jemand also reicher rechnen, als er ist. Es ist daher allgemein begrüßt worden, dass die Deutsche Bank hier konservativ verfahren ist und nicht versucht hat, ihren Jahresverlust zu schönen.
Leave ich verstehe zie nicht
aber das ist kein limerick
und wo is den chirurgin
oder die burleske virgin
Deus vult ein bisschen lateinisch
Poor Trish nearly died of the cold
no broadband, dead rat, more untold
she booked into a hotel
Deus meus life is swell
She’ll be here any minute, I’m told
To her beau she thought she would propose,
Two 29 is the date that she chose,
In her small town in Texas,
She yelled, “Annus bisextus,”
‘Twas a cell that she got: not a rose.
The burlesque performer, Moon Líly,
Who’d left both her husbands in Philly,
Had a son she called Willy,
Then a daughter named Milly,
Ad idem, she’s with her hill bílly.
The songs of burlesque star Moon Líly,
Re vera, were really quite silly,
The reason was history,
And to some ’twas a mystery,
But her fans all loved “Hey dilly dilly”!
The burlesque performer Moon Líly,
Then had twins she named Jilly and Gilly,
She could dance up a storm,
She was way past the norm,
Ad alta! She’s so rich that it’s silly.
The burlesque performer Moon Líly,
Along with her handsome hill bílly,
Had now their own show,
They could both dance, you know,
And, ab hinc, they had added a filly.
The mare was the hit of the show,
Oh yes, ’twas a horse, that is so,
Though some thought it silly,
A filly dressed frilly,
Ad astra! That’s where they would go.
Oh Anon, now just where are you, honey,
Please come out, for the day is quite sunny,
My dearest Anon,
I say, “Aw come on,”
Re vera, your stuff is so funny!
The rat had Yersinia pestis,
That’s plague. Too bad nobody guessed it,
They thought that his asthma,
Was from Toxoplasma,
Now dead! The whole town and one guest is.
Anon, I just think you’re so funny!
Come out, and I’ll give you some money,
Just maybe a penny,
That’s more than not any,
Ad rem. All our lives should be sunny.