Since I’ll be busy tomorrow fighting other desperate guys for flowers that aren’t in too bad shape or other last-minute gifts to give to my daughters tomorrow (Alpha is away on business so will miss Valentine’s Day this year) I’m going to announce the winners of this year’s Valentine’s Day Limerick Contest right now.

This year’s special rules were: extra points awarded for Canadians, and references to philosophers and/or the prostate, the only “heart-shaped” organ in the human body.

This year’s honors (in lieu of a prize we’re awarding honors) go to:

Joeri of Uren.Dagen.Nachten fame for the categories most prolific limerick poet (11 limericks entered – I actually added the special rules in an attempt to slow him down but it didn’t work) and best limerick by a Belgian:

“Life’s a bitch”, said our friend Schopenhauer
“It is painful, it’s hard and it’s dour!
I’m not pessimistic
but just a statistic”
and he slipped stepping out of the shower.

Joeri also gets extra credit for a Kylie Minogue/Bug limerick:

A Bgu on a missoin to Mars
through the porthole once looked at the stars
“There is Kylie Minoueg!
Featured in the last Vogue!
Whta a beuatiful choice of peignoirs!”

Feste gets honors for best non-limerick entry for this one:

There was a man named Sartre,
Who thought philosophy was a farte,
Not a homogenous milieu,
where thoughts are born and die in lieu,
JP’s attidude grew dark, his loins had no spark,
So he went to the pub and got pissed,
Deciding philosophy didn’t exist.

Sue wins in the category of best limerick about a philosopher’s penis:

A tart who knew Thomas Aquinas,
A bit of a grey, faded Venus,
Said that short before slumber
He pondered what number
Of angels could dance on his penis.

Kismet takes top honors in the Best pornographic camping snack limerick category:

an ugly man who couldn’t score,
went camping one day with a whore,
he begged and he pleaded,
she sucked till he bleeded,
and then stuck around for ‘smore(s).

Michele, of course, wins in both the best limerick about Mig’s penis category as well as the Michele wins no matter what category:

There once was a fellow name Mig
Who dressed only in leaf of fig
Til one day his boner
Knocked something over
And now he wears pants that are big.

Although not Canadian, D. was the only one to combine both other bonus concepts, making him the extra-point winner:

There once was a man named Kant,
Who bought an online penis transplant,
The point to the song,
Something went wrong,
and his prostate ballooned up like an eggplant.

Wait, hang on. Tim also managed (although he omitted the Umlaut and failed to capitalize