I caught a conservative leprechaun last night after work.

He was just like a regular leprechaun except he was slipperier and hung out by an outhouse instead of at the end of a rainbow. I figured if I could maintain eye contact long enough I could make him give me his gold.

Miguel: Now I have you, you slippery leprechaun. Give me your gold.
CL: Top o’ the mornin’ to you too, fucker.
Miguel: Cut the crap. Gold or I don’t let you go.
CL: Hey, I see old Saddam did pretty well in his election a day or two ago. Bahahaha.
Miguel: No fooling. No one even demanded a recount.
CL: I’d like to get ahold of his voting machines.
Miguel: No more hanging chad problems.
CL: Oh fuck off. Hey, what’s that over there?
Miguel: Nice try. You have to give me your gold. Rules are rules.
CL: Axis of evil.
Miguel: Which axis of evil? Defense, oil and big business?
CL: Wussy. When you need a war, you need a war.
Miguel: You’re familiar with the expression “chicken hawk” aren’t you?
CL: Eat me. Whitewater.
Miguel: Monkey. 1980s banking scandal. Drug abuse. Enron. Blah blah blah.
CL: BLOWJOB!
Miguel: Where?

And he escaped. I just looked away for a second, and he was gone. And I was left standing there alone, in the dark, next to an outhouse like any other outhouse, except it smelled a little worse.