You must be careful. You must please mom and dad. Cause you never know. You can’t be too careful. They take you on lots of trips, they could just leave you somewhere. It would be so easy. Just forget you. Who knows what they talk about when you’re in bed and they’re still up? Sure they love you. So far. Just stay bland and good. Just be good. Don’t feel anything. You can feel at night. You can punish yourself then for bad stuff they didn’t catch. You can feel sad. You can tell yourself your mom’s in the hospital dying, and make yourself cry.

And so, at 43, I catch myself stuck in traffic, imagining my daughter’s funeral and crying. Sure she’s sick, but she’ll be okay, that has nothing to do with it. It’s just fucked up.