The amount of time it takes you to get the two ends of your tie lined up before tying it so that when the tie is tied the tie is the correct length, with the end extending neither too low below your belt buckle nor hanging too high, with say an inch of shirt between the tip of the tie and the top of your pants – which look dorky, face it – corresponds directly to how big of a hurry you are in getting ready for work in the morning.

And this reminds me of how my uncle, who lived next door, always came over to our house before weddings and funerals so my father could tie a tie for him, because he couldn’t get his calloused fingers around the knots. How calloused were they? When he cut his hand on a razor clam out clamming at the Oregon Coast once, the doctor broke a couple needles before he finally got the wound stitched up.