That asterisk in the title’s intended to spare me the disturbing search requests.

Not only is Beta undergoing an endocrinal re-alignment, the actual physical structure of her brain is changing, scientists aver! So we have conversations like this now:

Two women: “Blah-di-blah-blah! Well same to you and more of it! Etc etc!” [Sound of door slamming and locking]
Alpha: [Coming into the "office" where Mig is hard at work trying to write something funny or touching] “It’s all your fault for being on your e-mail for so long now we can’t play UNO you said you’d be right out!”
Miguel: “I’ve been here 15 minutes. What happened, you have a disagreement? Heh.”
Alpha: “You talk to her.”
Miguel: [Knocks at Beta's door. Eventually, sound of door unlocking. It opens a narrow crack] “Ahem”
Beta: [Her face darker and more womanly than Miguel remembered. When did this happen?] “What do you want?”
Miguel: “I’m here to do the dad thing and talk sense into you.” [Sound of door slamming, the "click" of the lock and then a second "click" of it double-locking] “Heh.”
Miguel: [Begins scratching at door like the cats do when they want in, which is very irritating]
Alpha: “You have to meow.”
Miguel: [Begins oinking instead]

This goes on for some time. The door gets unlocked and reslammed several more times, and relocked. Eventually, though, communication is reestablished and UNO is played. Alpha and Beta win most hands, everyone is happy by bedtime.

But what a hassle. Male teenagers, they’re not this complicated, are they? I mean, okay, besides going through a phase where they wank so much a monkey in the zoo would tell them to take a break.

7 responses to “Te*nagers

  1. the best you can hope for is that the older one moves out before the younger one hits this stage. there is no safety in numbers when it comes to us females.

  2. you mean it’s supposed to be just ‘a phase’?

  3. D

    Too much simianformation.

  4. my aunt called my mom about 15 years ago crying. she was crying that she found my cousin, murph, age 11, jacking off with a couch pillow. i was 8 at the time. i said what’s jacking off? my mom said she was happy she had a girl instead.

  5. Boys don’t just wank. They get in fights, they skateboard even tho they have not the agility, they drive too fast, and they get girls pregnant.
    Girls may do *some* of these things, but not so you’d notice.

  6. miguel

    Tasha – is that Murph of Murph’s Furniture and Decorating in Wisconsin, or of Murphy Healthcare Furniture in Australia?

  7. i think he’s a real estate agent or something in atlanta. honestly this is the first time (second time since the posting) i’ve thought about any of this since age 8. very odd.

    boys also cut holes through shower curtains with a knife. you can blame that on murph too. and his brother the tattoo artist.