Scenes from Gamma’s year-end daycare party

  • “Aunt Elisabeth,” the woman who runs the daycare place is roughly our age, rides a motorcycle, has a tattoo, is still in good shape, has a fairly dark tan and is wearing a short white dress.

  • And a white bra, and white thong.
  • Gamma is a fish of some sort, with blue hair and glitter. No, she tells me, she’s water.
  • Some father is looking Beta over way too closely, and for way too long. I resist, barely, the urge to stick his head in a mop bucket and step on the pedal a few times.
  • My potato salad went extremely fast. In part because it is just so damn good, in part because Gamma was flogging it to all her friends.
  • “Aunt Elisabeth” is still wearing that thong.
  • That pervert is still ogling my beautiful 13-year-old daughter. Seriously, where’s the mop bucket? Oh, here comes his wife…
  • Gamma’s daycare person, Gabi, divulges to Beta and me where the good desserts are hidden. While everyone else is sitting outside in the hot sun, we sneak inside the house and gorge on stolen desserts.
  • I go back outside and discover that, if I only relax and ask a few questions (THANKS FRANCIS), I can make conversation. At one point a mother praises the potato salad. Alpha tells her I made it. She says, “Oh, you can cook!” and I just barely keep from saying, “Yeah, and I can fuck, too.” Later I regret not having said it.
  • Aunt Thong walks by again.
  • People start drifting out. Gamma is burying some boy in the sand. It will be up to me to talk her into leaving, Alpha says. Gamma, like the rest of us, is usually the last to leave a party.
  • I use the America card. I say, in two minutes we are leaving, because you have to tank up on sleep for our trip to see the relatives.
  • To my great surprise, when I come back in two minutes, she does not even protest! She goes along with us without incident.
  • It turns out to be harder to get Alpha to leave.
  • Beta beats up on me for a while, because this is how we show our affection sometimes. I beat up on her a little too.
  • We make it home with no tears, although Gamma makes everything blue and glittery.

9 responses to “Scenes from Gamma’s year-end daycare party

  1. Does this mean you aren’t having enough fun to forget all about the Internet?

  2. miguel

    eh, the fun’s going to start any day now, i can just feel it.

  3. what’s up with the perverts ogling your daughter? That’s annoying… one of the legendary side-effects of parenthood, I suppose.

  4. miguel

    one of the perks, i guess, yes. this guy, i figured he’d disappear when he noticed i was standing right next to him and she was my daughter, but nah. i was tempted, on the one hand, to say something threatening to him, because he was about 6’2″ and weighed about 80 pounds; but on the other hand i was also tempted not to be a bully. and he was only looking and kept his distance.

    i guess if i had it to do over again, i would have said something. but what? i also guess, once she’s of age, it’s none of my business… (although it’ll always be my business, i have the feeling)

  5. You might want to come up with a blunt yet sort of graceful way to let the oglers know she’s not yet of age, in the interim. Just dropping the words “jail bait” casually into conversatin will probably do. When I was a wee teen I dated men twice my age, and thought they were *so cool* for not measuring maturity by chronological age. Funny thing is, when I see them now and they’re like 48 they’re still dating 15 year olds.

    I left this joke as a comment in a more relevant spot a minute ago, but your Auntie Thong thread keeps bringing it to mind. ;)

    A man and a woman were driving down the road and arguing about his deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reaches over and slices the man’s penis off. Angrily, she tosses it out the car window.

    Driving behind the couple is a man and his 9 year old daughter. The little girl is just chatting away at her father when all of a sudden the penis smacks the pickup on the windshield, sticks for a moment,
    then flies off.

    Surprised, the daughter asks her father, “Daddy, what the heck was that?”

    Not wanting to expose his little girl to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replies, “It was only a bug, honey.” The daughter sits with a confused look on her face, and after a few minutes she says…..

    Sure had a big dick, didn’t it?

  6. laughing @ Jessica’s joke.

    by the way, Miguel – what happened to the little boy Gamma buried in the sand (way to go Gamma, already she knows what to do with the males).

  7. pat

    bwaaaahahaahahaha

    jessica bwaaahahahaha

    and miguel you are way late to post. er, wait, are yu still on vacation?

    the little people of ireland request your presence.

    er, poor people? i can’t remember.

  8. miguel

    yes. on vacation until… 1 august or something.

  9. D

    Damn I’d better hack this page quickly, before he gets back…