Question: what do you do when a gang of stupid girls (Barbie types) pick on your daughter and a couple other girls (iconoclastic, studious, free-thinking, intelligent but also athletic and artistic types) and make life hell for them and the teacher does nothing but watch and ignore it?
Can she ignore them or are they the ‘we will make your life a living hell’ type? Because the best way is really to be unaffected by stupid Barbie girls and see them as the dog poo a hustler in India threw on your shoe.
Failing that, teach your daughter choice insults that result in the Barbie girls being unable to respond with words other than ‘bitch’ because they’re stumped. ie, make the girls feel so stupid they’re unattractive.
that’s sort of where we ended up last night. i will also have a talk with the teacher sometime soon and let her know how disappointed i am with her that she is not even trying to do anything about it. we also ruled out punching them in the nose, because my daughter is afraid she would injure them and we’d end up having to discuss it with the cops etc (totally possible, she’s strong). so, we sort of ended up, for the moment, discussing which animals the girls in charge resemble most closely (a sheep and an ostrich) and this resemblance may arise in conversation at school today. also discussed was the possibility of forming alliances with girls at the edge of the evil clique, thus weakening the inner cohesiveness of said clique, etc. we hate to resort to insults etc – i mean, this is not a bad opportunity for the girls to learn something. but, if nothing else helps, i’d not be against my kid cutting them down to size. it seemed to cheer her up some to see that we are on her side…
You give her extra hugs, and silently bring down all sorts of curses on the stupid adults (who were probably bulliers and teasers in their teens) who have no idea of the pain they are allowing. My younger daughter followed the family tradition of late chest development. The snobby girls in her 7th andd 8th grade class teased her about this, calling her the head of the itty bitty titty committee. She had her revenge a couple of years later, because she continued to follow family tradition and by junior year of high school was very generously endowed.
Welcome to being a parent of a teenager. This is just the beginning of trying to boost self-esteem that less-gifted/talented kids work at breaking down. Lots of hugs are called for, and you’ll do lots of silent hurting for your kids.
Incidentally, this daughter (now 36) is becoming a stepmother to a 13 yr. old! Nothing like starting with the hardest years.
You storm the bastille!
When I was a kid, my older sister who was the “barbie” type was bullied by a couple of thug girls. My mother not only had to speak with the teachers but went to the principle – who in the end had to walk us all home from school for a week – this is a long story. The girls were “bad.” But my sister wasn’t a fighter, not like the three of us but we were much younger than she. Hey, sometimes you have to protect/defend yourself – fight back – with fists, with words, by pulling in adults – whatever it takes. Especially when it comes down to the kids.
It
And what’s wrong with witchcraft and pig’s blood?
OK, pig’s blood is messy.
But seriously: never underestimate the power of benign intimidation tactics. Making people rethink things on a personal level is a very good way to break through the shield of mob mentality.
Like: if I wear ‘evil eye’ jewelery when I know I’ll be walking through the Mission (almost always hellish for the small blonde girl persuasion), or other heavy-to-them symbols, I know I’ll have a much easier time. Wearing a crucifix doesn’t work, but a santeria amulet does it every time.
This could apply in the present situation – wearing, say, a varsity letter (wrong culture, I know) would not work at all. But sporting instead a (name your possibly spooky, definitely respected and unusual) emblem will make ‘em think for half a second, and that’s when you’ve got ‘em.
I was alwasy the smart, pretty-but-odd girl despised by the establishment, and we moved almost every year so I had to situate myself constantly. I bump into people all the time who remember me, because I made a very basic impression by doing what aaron suggests. No one remembers the Barbies.
Wait, I’ve got it: Masonic gear.
That’ll get their parents to tell them to lay the hell off.
;)
How can you complain to the teacher but then perpetuate the behavior by having her call them animal names?
I think you have to pick one way or the other. Either you are honest with her and tell her there are people in the world who have nothing better to do than pick on others, or you tell her that this is a game and the object is to see who can humiliate and hurt the other one the most.
Whatever you do, just be sure to tell her that she has so many qualities that these girls don’t have and that one day she will grow into her physical beauty … these girls will never be able to grow into having personality and heart. And they will turn into cows … wait, now we’re back at animals. Please rewrite this speech before you give it. Take out the whole cow part.
I’m with melly on this one. I don’t know what the teacher’s obligations are, but in schools here the teachers have a LEGAL obligation to ensure that school is safe for everyone. Post Columbine, schools are much more sensitive about the repercussions of bullying, which is really what this is.
Regardless of legal obligation, it certainly seems to me that the teacher and administration have a moral obligation to 1. set a tone that makes it clear that teasing etc. is not acceptable; 2. immediately intervene when said harassment occurs (rather than “girls will be girls” or some such). My organization is about to do mandatory training for an entire school district because they ignored the complaints of a student who was being teased for being effeminate. The district also had to pay the student and his family a hefty sum.
I will be at the school tomorrow for some year end school function and hope to talk to the teacher. I will not contact the girls themselves or their families because that would be a big mistake and make this bigger than it is; this will blow over I think, whereas if I got on the girls’ cases it would become permanent.
The Animal Names: there is of course the don’t-lower-yourself-to-their-level thing. But a bully deserves to be cut down to size, OTOH, and some seem to shrink when confronted. Of course I tell my kid about her positive points, but coming from a parent that doesn’t always carry weight.
I really don’t know. I think she’ll have to do it herself, basically, because I don’t think the teacher will do much – but I’ll talk to her and see.
Sniper rifle and high-velocity bullets.
Worked for me.
I just bought this book “Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Agression in Girls” I haven’t read it yet, but thumbing through it here and there, it looks pretty dead on.
I think the key point here is the word “hidden”. Bullying by boys is, if nothing else, very physical, openly agressive and easy to quantify. Part of what makes it so painful to be the object of bullying for a girl, is that primarily psychological in nature. People are sympathetic when they see bruises but tend to tell kids to who are picked on to”not let it bother you” and to “toughen up.”
I was the pretty, tall, early-bloomer, bookworm, weirdo girl in my school. The combination of boobs and social awkwardness is to the schoolyard what chum is to sharks. It was brutal.
The best thing for her to do is to form a cohesive unit with the other iconoclastic, studious, free-thinking, intelligent but also athletic and artistic types. Then they have to openly flout and scorn the standards set by the (Klaus)Barbie brigade. The minute it appears that they have their own clique (ugh, I hate that word) and their group has no interest in trying to “fit in”, the “popular” girls have no choice but to back down. They’re cowardsIt will also undermine their power in the school yard, when other girls see that there is a group of girls that aren’t going to cow down.