A woman got a makeover in the newspaper today to prepare her for a career change. The main difference between the before and after pictures was that she looked more natural in the before picture, and higher-maintenance in the after, with a hairstyle that looks simple but would be harder to set up in the morning than her original, and an odd frilly dress.

Makeovers have always fascinated me, especially the way that the before pictures look better than the after in 8 out of 10 cases; but also the way that a change in style or looks can theoretically totally change the way you look, or your style.

I saw a chubby black guy with a shaved head walking down the street yesterday and thought, there’s a look I could go for. I have short hair (and for some reason Gamma has been trying to talk me into shaving my head lately) and the chubby part would be no problem, but, eh, the plan falls apart when I hit complexion.

But I’ve always wanted a makeover. Someone to pick out clothes that look good on me – and preferably pay for them; someone to advise me on a decent hairstyle and enforce a diet and workout regimen.

Oh well. This idea gets diluted more and more by reality, as I think about it, until I arrive at the same point I do every spring: time to lose 20 pounds. With one difference this year: people actually read Feral Living now – so here’s my request: change my life, suggest a makeover.

13 responses to “Makeover

  1. kd

    i’d like to cast a vote for the headshaving. i mean, why not? or maybe just a really close buzz cut.

    i’m pretty sure that same black suit thing you do all the time is still rockin’ for you, in a timeless way — but get a little edgy with the hair.

    weight? huh.

  2. Start wearing five-year old reeboks with grass stains, 501’s, WWF t-shirts and a NASCAR cap. Get your hair cut in a mullet. Gain 20 pounds. Now you’re a midwesterner.

  3. that’s an excellent idea kd has. the shaving of the head. a shaved head only makes handsome men like yourself even more handsome. i’d also suggest adding a scar of some sort. scars are sexy. nothing dramatic like helena bonham carter in “frankenstein”, but a little scar positioned at a slight angle stemming from the upper lip, about 1/2 an inch length-wise. under the lower lip and above the chin, as well as near outer edge of the brow are also fine areas for scars. you may want to ask someone in your household for help with this. i’m sure gamma, or alpha, or perhaps moritz would be more than willing.

  4. sue

    and follow the head-shaving with a tattoo. Or, if you wimp out, try one of the temporary ones. Maybe a rose on your crown–or a crown on your crown.

  5. You’re pretty hot already, Mig. (seen him in person ladies. so true.) They hair works for me. A shaved head – 1/2 inch of hair – would too.

    My only suggestion would be a nice heavy leather jacket and some boots. You had very sensible jacket and boots when we traipsed around London, very good for traipsing, so I don’t know if this is even a big alteration to your non-traipsing style…

  6. I dated a girl once who tried to make me over into her ex-boyfriend (you can put khakis on a horse, but you can’t take them anywhere- or something. I’m tired, forget about it). So, the women have spoken out in favor of the shaved head, but I’m against it for what it’s worth. Plus, it’s totally on the way out like the goatee for godssake. I say, wear what you like. If it’s grass-stained Reeboks and 501s, or a black suit- then so be it. That’s your style.

  7. Rename your wife and children: Apple, Orange, and Peanut.

  8. miguel

    Miss B: did the scar thing shaving this morning. Still testing the results.

    Jessica: You’re too kind. Although, traipsing, I don’t know, I was going more for “ambling,” you know? It’s funny you should mention a heavy leather jacket. I’ve always wanted one, my entire life.

    Sue: Crown, huh? I’ve got half a dozen tiaras left over from Gamma’s princess party. I’ll give one of them a try.

    Space: The midwesterner look is appealing, because all I’d need would basically be a new hat, etc etc.

    Chris, and kd: the suit, so far, that’s the best look i’ve come up with for me. simple – no indecision in the mornings what to wear, and so versatile: sunglasses,and it’s the MIB look. Stick my finger in my ear, and it’s bodyguard, you know?

    jadedju: how about Honeybun, Izzy and Peanut? Peanut is a good nickname, I called both kids that when they were little, especially Beta.

  9. Strip naked. Paint yourself with woad. Attack random Englishmen.
    Well, it would be a change.

  10. miguel

    woad! that’s it!

    in vertical stripes!

  11. Does Woad come in black?

    “The autumn Woad line, in luscious reds and blacks as well as traditional blue. From Revlon.”

  12. miguel

    Look as threatening as you feel with our specially formulated Regent-Defying Collection and let your true beauty shine through. With our newly expanded Woadlights™ line, now there are more ways to create a radiant, slimming look that’s light on your face, or entire body. Add the perfect shimmer or highlight with just a few strokes.

  13. I hope I’m not too late with this and you haven’t done anything rash like shave your head or wear veritcal woad striping.

    My idea is for you to wear a different costume each day.

    I suggest Mondays would be bug day. Tuesdays would be pirate day. Wedensday would be dress like your favorite dead politician day, Thursday is dress like a girl day and Friday is, of course, no pants day. Weekends are free for experimenting. This way, every day would be a brand new Mig. And as a bonus, if you dress like a sumo wrestler, no one would tell you to lose 20 lbs.