Miguel: [Turns off alarm clock. Unwedges arm from beneath Gamma. Pets Moritz the cat, who is on sleeping on Miguel's stomach. Senses large wet spot on mattress down by feet.] “Gah.”
Alpha: “Zzzzz.”
Gamma: “I’m hungry, what’s for breakfast?”
Moritz: [innocently] “Prrrrrrr.”
Miguel: “No.”
Alpha: “What?”
Miguel: [Sniffs to make sure] “Eh, the cat peed the bed.”
Alpha: “Gah.”
Gamma: “When’s breakfast? I want Wheetabix.”
Moritz: [Still innocently, although with a new ironic undertone] “Prrrr, heh.”
Alpha: “Rub his nose in it.”
Miguel: “K.” [Rubs cat's nose in it.]
Alpha: “Geeze, but don’t kill him!”
Miguel: “What, okay, so I rub his nose in it just a little, or what?”
Moritz: [Unhappily, with pathetic, vulnerable undertone] “Fff! Fff!”
Alpha: “I’d better apologize to Beta for not believing her when she said the cat peed in her bed day before yesterday.” [goes to apologize]
Moritz: [Out side of mouth] “You are so going to regret this, human.”
Miguel: “Don’t get too cocky.”
Moritz: “Oh, you gonna take me to the vet again? Have me fixed? Have me castrated? Again?”
Miguel: “Eh, it was her idea.”
Moritz: “Remember, I’m in the house alone all day long, man. You have no idea.”
Miguel: “Have I told you about the free Rottweilers?”
Moritz: “??!?”
Miguel: “Well, they’re not exactly Rottweilers, strictly speaking – those wouldn’t be free, would they? I guess some kind of wolfhound jumped the fence, you know, so there’s this mongrel litter they’re giving away down the street…”
Moritz: [Under breath] “Rottweiler? Wolfhound? You’re lying.”
Alpha: [Returning from apologizing to Beta] “Gah, this whole place stinks.”
Moritz: [Pathetically] “Weh, weh.”
Alpha: “You didn’t hurt him, did you?”
Bad kitty, baaaad kitty!
Posted in Feral Living
too funny. that is all.
That’s what you get for owning a cat. They are satan’s tool.
Iccchh. @#*%ing cats… a dog would never pee his master’s (or his own) bed.
I say castrate it again.
Sounds like quite the party going on in that bed.
you should’ve been there.
funny :)
On the dog issue;
I beg to differ, a dog will pee in his masters bed and then go chew on some expensive leather shoes when they are displeased with something… “hey give me back my shoe!!!” :)
Rubbing an animal’s nose in it will not help him realize what he did wrong. It’s been too long after the fact.
I was intrigued by your problem, so I did a search, and this is the best advice I found:
http://doityourself.com/pets/catbedwetting.htm
What is “Wheetabix”?
thanks for that link,mae. i liked this advice:
“Put lemon extract or fresh lemon juice. This is also, good in areas that you do not want them to scratch. The lemon sent is not something they like. Also, If you mist the cat with the bottle of water “plain” when he gets on the bed or any other areas the you do not want the cat to be on it will re-direct him but wont hurt him.” although i currently feel like adding a little ammonia or something so it hurts just a little.
This was also interesting: aluminum foil on counter tops trains them not to jump up in about a month. Connecting the foil up to a source of electric current would probably cut the training time in half…
Wheetabix is an English breakfast cereal. I’ll post a picture of some tomorrow.
Right, so let me get this clear: You’re a North American living in Austria and designing albums for Austrian Irish bands while eating English breakfast cereal? The damn cat’s probably just confused!
also i live with robots.
I was listening to NPR one day, to the animal doctor. This lady had allowed her cat to nip her for about a ten year period, but in the last couple of months he had started to do it more often and biting harder. They told her to sling a water pistol and shot him every time he did it. Granny with a water pistol. That’s too funny.
Now, Miguel, no matter how tempting a little bit of animal cruelty is, you must resist. I don’t think PETA would agree with ammonia or electrical currents.
No, no, no, I’d never hurt an innocent little kitty cat. Or any other animal, except in self-defense. Today, for example, I’m covered with cat hair; well, my clothes are covered with cat hair, because I was carrying the big guy around and petting him sorta half slung over my shoulder, which he even enjoyed for a while. Then, when he’d had enough he sneezed on me and I let him go again. Maybe he’s allergic to humans.