Dangers of Matrimony

Upon the Conclusion of the more genteel Aspects of my wife’s cousin’s Wedding Reception, I sent lovely Alpha on home by Carriage and remained behind for some time, enjoying the rare Company of old Friends, among them Nicotine and Beer. Later in the Night, finding myself the final Guest I was perforce required by good Manners to proceed on home myself, and took the Opportunity to acquaint myself more closely with my newest Plaything, a Velocipede.
Accompanied by much Laughter and Merriment, several Men of my Acquaintance steadied the Contraption while I (unsteadily enough, by my own admission) climbed “on board”. They gave me a sturdy push and off I went, speeding daringly into the darkness with their Cheers and laughter echoing in the background! My Progress continued in a satisfactory Manner until I reached a sharp bend in the Path that ran alongside the Creek, at which point my skills at piloting the Velocipede proved inferior to the forces of Momentum and I and Velocipede both failed to negotiate the sharp left turn and continued in a straight Line down the bank of the Creek and into the water, which was of a temperature cold enough to be bracing and sobering, while not so cold (or, praise be to the Powers of Heaven and Nature, whichever is in Charge, deep) as to cause my Demise. The Velocipede incurred significantly more Damage in the Adventure than did I, and I was able (and required) to push the Vehicle the rest of the way, a Distance of several Miles, with its bent Wheel squeaking in protest the entire remainder of my Journey.

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