Gift idea

My father-in-law the retired mechanic was helping my sister-in-law clean her car, which she wants to sell. It’s got a lot of miles on it so they were getting it really clean inside and out.

Then they opened the hood to clean in there, and [in order to fully appreciate this next bit you should know that when they were kids, my wife used to terrorize her younger sister by reminding her that she had a skeleton - she had bones, right inside her own body! An idea that freaked her out.] they opened the hood and there was this, well, I’ll let my father-in-law tell it:

“This dead animal.”

They weren’t sure what sort, exactly. Four legs and a tail. Fatter than a weasel.

It had been there for a while, but then again not so long. “It wasn’t too decomposed,” said my father-in-law.

My sister-in-law ran away eeking. “Dude,” I said to him. “Take it to the taxidermist and give it to her for Christmas!” I had visions of it in a little suit, you know, with green visor and a royal flush in one paw. But alas, he’d run it out to the dump.

Sports and their metaphoric effect on behavioural paradigms between cultures: a preliminary discussion

“With baseball,” I explained to my wife, “the action in the game progresses from base to base, with a concomitant increase in excitement and arousal, both in participants and spectators. Action is clearly divided into distinct stages: first base, second base, third base and home base, and each stage dictates a unique strategy and approach.”

“Whereas with soccer, the point is getting the ball into the goal as fast as you can,” she replied.

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Mig’s Famous Papaya Miracle Diet

The papaya on my desk was billed as a “giant papaya” at the store where I purchased it on my lunch break. It weighs in at, let’s see, 2.564 kilos (here, you weigh your produce yourself, push a button and a sticker comes out of the machine, with weight and price and barcode, you stick that to your papaya) and cost


Main Entry:

    Pronunciation: “a-po-ka-‘plek-tik

    Function: adjective
    Etymology: French or Late Latin; French apoplectique, from Late Latin apoplecticus, from Greek apoplEktikos, from apoplEssein, from English apocalypse
    Date: 2002
    1 : state of extreme agitation over the end of the world
    – /-ti-k(&-)lE/ adverb

    Example: “George became quite apocaplectic when he discovered that the genetically-altered virus targeted his genome.”

[Originally posted at Feral Living, which is now sort of broken.]

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