Cosmo our middle cat doesn’t like to be touched. If he’s standing there and you try to pet him, he does this limbo-dance thing where his front and rear remain more or less where they were, but his middle part disappears, sinking way down to the floor. If you keep up the petting he will slink away in that position. As you can imagine this results in me petting him a lot when I’m bored.

I can also mimic the movement he makes, doing a funny walk with my back swayed. This may not sound like much, but it gets a lot of laughs around the house. I do the walk and ask, “What animal is this?” and one of the girls shouts, “Cosmo!” It no longer makes them squirt liquids out their noses, but it’s still good for a chuckle.

This morning Beta and I were visiting Gamma in the hospital. It was very quiet, way before official visiting hours, and Beta, who is 12 and sensitive about such things, told me that my shoes were making too much noise in the empty corridors. So I did the “What animal is this?” walk on tippy-toes down the hall. The look on her face, a mixture of amazement, shock and glee, made my morning.

It’s important to be able to shock one’s children.

Liebestod. Weltschmerz. Wunderkind. Schadenfreude. Wienerschnitzel.

What’s your favorite German expression?

Good cop: [Looks up from notes spread across spartan table, switches on bright light] “Take a load off, Mig.”

Miguel: [Flops heavily into ergonomically-incorrect fiberglass chair] “Gee, thanks. So what can I do for you guys?”

Good cop: “We’d like to know where you were on the night of March sixth.”

Miguel: “That’s easy. I went home after work.”

Bad cop: [Straightens up from leaning on the wall, in a threatening manner] “You a smart guy? You one ‘a these smart guys?”

Good cop: “Take it easy. Mig’s cooperative, ain’t ya, Mig? Would you care to elucidate on that?”

Miguel: “Elucidate on? You mean expound on, don’t you? Or just elucidate without the on…”

Bad cop: [Cracks knuckles, loudly]

Continue reading →

Fly season is starting. We live across the street from a pig farm. So a lot of flies fuck in our kitchen. Yesterday a pair was having wild fly sex on the lintel of the door leading into the living room. I lifted Moritz, the feisty red cat, up there and he nabbed both of them and ate them while they were still engaged.

The German word of the day is Liebestod, meaning, literally, “love-death” or “death for love” or “dying for love” except it’s a noun. Heck, I’m ruining the whole joke. Eh, go somewhere else if you want to learn a foreign language right.

Go there now.
[via BWG]

Unpatriotic misinformation.
[via this cool new site: blogdex]

The lightbulb in my home office burned out this morning. I will replace it this evening when I get home from work.