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I have had enough of the coarseness of modern life. Kill, kill, kill. Yawn, bo-ring. Why can’t we all just get along? And while we’re at it, why can’t adults stop wearing short pants except in special cases, like when they’re mountain climbing? And when did the human metabolism change so that we now die of thirst if we go ten minutes without a drink, so that everyone is now constantly suckling on a bottle of some beverage as they walk down the street in their short pants? My contribution will be to stop saying “fuck” here, at least, and to stop trying to run tailgaters off the road and giving them the finger.

Alpha and I went for a walk last night. She expressed her concern about Gamma, who, when she meets people, neglects to greet them or shake their hand. See, I don’t know what it’s like where you live, but here in Austria it is considered proper when you meet people – unless it’s like a party of 100 or something, but up to a dozen at least – that you go around and say “Grüss Gott” and shake everyone’s hand. Maybe Austria is a country of psychos, but if you don’t do this, someone will feel insulted. To me it seems sick, as if people are looking for reasons to feel insulted – “your 5-year-old didn’t greet me!” – but it results in a generally higher level of politeness. When you pass someone on the street (walking) you greet them – the younger person greets the older person. In small towns, not big cities, that’d take forever, of course greeting everyone, so you don’t do that. But in my village, I encountered a group of hard-core punks, with the usual body modifications and fantastic hair colors, and they all politely said, “Grüss Gott”. So I laughed at them.

Austrians can be rude, I’m just saying there is a code of manners here that, like it or not (and I don’t always like it), I think is not all bad. I know this site is named Feral Living but I sometimes question the value of absolute savagery.

I’m not saying children should not get into mudfights or spray their grandparents with high-pressure squirtguns. But I’m starting to think that Francis was right when he said it is good to be nice. I argued that kindness is better than niceness, but I now think they’re both good. What’s wrong with being polite and civilized? What’s wrong with giving other people a chance to speak, and listening to them?

I would encourage people to dress better and in accordance with their age, to get better haircuts (lose the mullet), to wait their turn and not take cuts, and to listen to people, to clean up after themselves, and not to carry around the fucking stupid drink bottles everywhere they go. And dozens more. What would you change if you had the power?

I’m okay in social situations. I’m okay. Meeting new people? No problem. Sitting around a table in an old courtyard in Vienna, with clematis-covered walls housing singing blackbirds, drinking wine and eating and talking (us, not the birds)? No problem at all.

Once I get warmed up, that is.

Until then I’m autistic. I basically sit there and rock back and forth and avoid eye-contact. And it takes me hours to warm up. The few of you who have met me in real life know I’m not exaggerating. Why is this? How long does it take you to warm up in a new situation? Or are you one of the lucky, garrulous, loquatious, outgoing ones?

Is it a Taurean thing? No, it can’t be – six of the eight people around the table last night were Taureans I think. And most of them were charming and funny. Only Gamma and I were being weird.

Yes, Gamma is exactly the same. For the first two hours of a party or other social gathering, we stay on the fringes observing and thawing out. By the end of the night, we’re in the thick of things dancing with a lampshade on our head, but it takes forever.

We do better in small groups. Like one-on-one with a friendly, likeable person.

There is this book. Die Entdeckung der Langsamkeit. Which is called The Discovery of Slowness in English. By Sten Nadolny. And the protagonist is an explorer who is very slow. By slow, I mean he perceived the world at a different speed – slow. Mentally he was fine. It’s a very interesting book. He eventually developed a coping strategy – it took him so long to react to a situation, that he planned in advance how to react – what to say or do – in a given situation. In order to appear normal.

So what I want from you is two things. First, how long does it take you to warm up in a situation and why and how? And second, what are your coping strategies?

I’m thinking, it would be good to have a small library of funny or interesting stories to tell about myself to new people I meet. So like, when the attention turns to Mig and they’re saying, “Now tell us something about yourself” I would actually have a story to tell, rather than going, “uh, nothing to tell, really…”. Something interesting that would pique their interest.

And some other class of statement of some kind that sounds interesting and fairly normal, but makes them leave you alone, like, “I was just at the dermatologist about these ulcerous sores in my crotch, he gave me a salve that he said would clear them up in no time.”

And another class of response, something to say when Alpha tells everyone that Mig has these two websites he devotes a lot of time to and which are fairly famous and everyone around the table says “URL! URL!” Something besides, “eh, ehm, uh…” that would make their eyes glaze over, like, “well, I write a lot about the interface of technology and social interaction, and it’s effects on credibility and credulousness.”

Another glass of that fruity white, please.

So, again, what classes of social situations are there, and what would be appropriate stock responses? Thanks.

[Found at A Constant Reader]

New shoes at the Shoe Project. Thanks Bill.