Thanks to Portishead, my insurance premiums almost went way up yesterday. I was trying to figure out if my car was making funny noises or if it was the CD, tilting my head to listen, turning the CD player on and off, distracted, in other words, when I sort of noticed the cars in front of me slowing down, and I turned my head to check if I could change lanes and it was a good thing I did because a motorcycle was passing me on the right, but when I looked back the cars had, in the meanwhile, come to a complete stop and it was only thanks to simultaneously slamming on my brakes and swerving to the right that I avoided planting myself in the trunk of the car in front of me. Thanks a lot, Portishead.

Later I decided it was my car after all because no matter what music I had on – Ramones, the classical station or the very distracting Portishead, my car went sproing when I turned right.

Just quit turning right, I know.

I parked and walked around it but there were no external clues.

Still later I seperated the ceramic garden figurines that were on the floor in the back of my car and the sproinging stopped. Sorry, Portishead, I blamed you unfairly.