Five secrets of happy people

  1. Whenever he was left home alone as a boy, Eric Chernobyl went into his mother’s closet and wore her shoes, especially the corduroy boots with the zips and black crepe soles, although he wasn’t picky.
  2. Yolanda Smith shoplifted a pint of peppermint schnapps while on a ski holiday in Austria.
  3. Walking to catch a train, Boris Egan saw a naked lady standing in the window of a big yellow house. For the following month, he made sure to walk past the house at the same time of day every day, but he never saw her again.
  4. Pat Gregory goes to yard sales, where he leaves trinkets to which he has stuck price tags, after stealing them from his wife.
  5. Belinda Carlisle doesn’t really understand twitter.