(Note: this works best if you live near Vienna)
Timing is essential, so wait until your mom is out of town on business, your dad is real busy with a conference and hungover from drinking with the distinguished delegate from the U.K. and being a general worry wart from trying to keep things organized in wife’s absence.
(Note: PS this is based on the method of team predation illustrated in the scene in Jurassic Park where the two raptors punk the dinosaur hunter guy.)
Dad: (text message) Be sure and let me know when you are on your way 2 yr sister in Vienna and when u will arrive
Dad: (couple hours later, phone call) Any idea when your sister is arriving?
Beta: No. I’ll let you know, though.
Dad: (later, calling Gamma) When are you going to visit your sister?
Gamma: I’m on my way.
Dad: You’re on the train?
Gamma: Yeah.
Dad: Your grandfather drive you to the station or did you take a taxi like you were talking about?
Gamma: He drove me.
Dad: Okay. Let me know when you get there.
Gamma: Okay.
(2 hours later)
Beta: (text message) Wasn’t Gamma supposed to come in to see me today?
Dad: (WTF!!!) (Calls Gamma, no answer) (Calls Beta) WTFWTF?
Beta: She’s not answering my calls.
Dad: !!!
Gamma: (text message) Where is Ceska Velice?
Dad: (Text message) Czech Republic
Dad: (Picking up distinguished delegate from U.K. at the UN.) You’ll never guess where Gamma is.
Dad: (Calls Gamma) So.
Gamma: Hi.
Dad: Fucking Schengen. In the good old days they would’ve stopped you at the border w/o a passport.
Gamma: There’s another train out in half an hour. My school pass should get me back into town. There’s an advent market here, want anything? Should I get you a gingerbread heart.
Dad: (Thinks: She’s such a sweety)
Dad: (to distinguished delegate from the UK) She’s such a sweety. She’s stuck in the Czech Republic and all she asks is do I want a gingerbread heart.
Distinguished delegate from the UK: Bless.
Dad: (To Gamma) Be sure and let me know when you’re back on a train in to town and when you arrive and are you okay. Also I don’t think you can buy a heart w/o Czech crowns. you only have euro on you right?
Gamma: Oh, right.
Dad: (To DDFUTK) We might be taking a drive up to the Czech Republic tonight. I’ll go home and charge my satnav thing just in case. There’s the exit we take when we go there.
DDFTUK: Don’t you have a power cord for the lighter?
Dad: Sure I do, but the jack got bent I think.
Dad: (To Beta) Heard from your sister?
Beta: No.
Dad: (To Gamma) So, you on the train?
Gamma: Nah, I missed it.
Dad: (To DDFTUK) She missed it. My sweet little 14 yr old daughter is stuck in the Czech Republic in the middle of the night with a broken leg. What could possibly go wrong?
Dad: Also the battery in my mobile phone is going dead.
DDFTUK: You seem relatively calm about it.
Gamma: There’s another one in like an hour.
Beta: So what’s up with Gamma?
Dad: !!!blah blah You heard from her?
Beta: Er, yeah, she’s here with me.
Dad: ????!?? OMG. Excellent one, you guys. You each get 5 Euro for putting one over on me like that.
Dad: (Describes situation to DDFTUK)
DDFTUK: You’ve been punked.
Beta: Wow, I’m so proud of you for taking it so well!
Dad: You guys are brilliant. You were like those two dinosaurs in Jurassic Park who hunted that hunter guy.
Gamma: (later, text message) Srry, Beta was bored.
Gamma: (Later) (Gives dad gingerbread heart with “Papa ist ein Goldschatz” written on it in frosting.
Dad: Aw.
So anyway, let me know if this works for you.
