20Aug / 2004

Tip 2

Now you know what to do at a diplomatic reception if you are an invited guest. But what if you’re working there as the video twat?

  1. First, don’t introduce yourself to anyone as “The video twat,” because they might not get it; it’s just a phrase I invented.

  2. Make friends with the bartender immediately. You won’t have time later and the bar will be crowded and you’re friends, so you get your drinks quickly.
  3. A rum and coke on an empty stomach will put you in the right frame of mind for filming the evening’s events, believe me. And because you’re friends, look! She made it a double!
  4. When you need an electrical outlet to recharge your battery, but every outlet is full, just unplug the TV because no one watches TV during a diplomatic reception.
  5. A good zoom lens will enable you to keep an eye on important guests, such as that trophy wife who looks like she got her miniskirt off a rattlesnake at gunpoint.

Posted in Metamorphosism

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4 responses to “Tip 2”

  1. j-a

    someone was wearing lizard skin miniskirts at a diplomatic reception???

  2. adam

    i could be wrong, but i think he was merely referring to the size of the mini-skirt, not the shape.

    but i may need some visuals to clarify, all the same.

  3. mig

    Size, print and fit.

  4. anne

    Tip 2 through receptions,
    By the garden of the willow tree
    Come tip 2 through receptions with mig

    Knee deep in rum drinks we’ll stray
    We’ll keep dead batteries away
    And if I film you in your short skirt, made of rattlesnake,
    Will you pardon me?
    And tip 2 through diplomats, with mig?