Television needs interesting shows. Something based on the naughty cheesecake sensibility of the 1940-1960 era, roughly, for example. I’d eventually watch that.

Or a series of makeovers. Here are some ideas:

• Black Eye for the White Guy: Non-white consultants punch white people in the face.

• Plain Eye for the Hochmut Guy: Amish consultants help flashy subjects be more down-to-earth.
• Rich Eye for the White Trash Guy: Wealthy consultants teach subjects how to play golf, how to insider trade, etc.
• Poor Eye for the Rich Guy: Consultants from poor countries teach subjects from rich countries how to cope with contaminated drinking water and mine fields, how to decorate for Christmas when your hamlet is being bombarded.
• Zen Eye for the Something Guy: Consultants in long robes hit kneeling subjects with bamboo rods every time one of their cell phones goes off and oh shut up, Mig.