NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim the week of October 12 through October 18, 2003, as Marriage Protection Week. I call upon the people of the United States to observe this week with appropriate programs, activities, and ceremonies.

[Via Francis.]

Yes, whenever my marriage is on the rocks, nothing helps like a good ceremony. I am personally fond of taking my wife to our favorite cemetery at midnight, where we swing a dead mole above our heads, in a big circle, and chant our secret marriage chant. I suppose a program of placing sleeping divorce lawyers in unventilated garages where Cadillacs are idling could possibly have some benefit. What else would be appropriate for marriage protection week? Your suggestions please.