• Lack the necessary faith and strength of conviction to be a decent atheist. Check.

• Swat too many flies to be a good Buddhist. Check.

I just have this aversion to the “spiritual but not religious” box on the surveys, you know?

Vacation, you know. We decided to do something every other day, and rest in between. Do nothing. Today was a do nothing day.

There were flies swarming a pickled pepper on the counter when I walked into the kitchen just now. They formed the shape of a “6”. Practicing, I suppose, for tomorrow morning when I walk in to see the full crew making a “666”.

And hear the devil’s voice telling me to mix pina coladas. But I have no crushed ice, I’d say. But you bought those plastic forms to make ice cubes yesterday at the hardware store, the devil’s voice would say. Oh yeah, I’d say. I forgot, I was really tired, I thought I was dropping my kid off to rowing practice I’d say. In the blazing sun, and they Shanghaied me and made me practice starts with them in the middle of the Danube without any sunscreen, I’d say. Poor guy, the devil’s voice would say. And that’s not all I’d say. Afterwards my kid made me run a mile with her to cool down, I’d say. She has her dad’s sense of humor, the devil’s voice would say. Heh, I’d say. And then I had to go the hardware store with my daughter, I’d say. With her hot friend, don’t forget her hot friend, the devil’s voice would say. Yeah right, I’d say. And I sent them looking for scented antimosquito candles while I got biodegradable garbage bags and those plastic icecube things, like plastic bags with individual ice cube pockets in them, I’d say. Exactly, the devil’s voice would say. And I’m still sunburnt and sore and have a headache, I’d say. Let me make those pina colada’s, the devil’s voice would say. And my wife would eventually come downstairs for her coffee and say, what no coffee yet? Try one of these drinks, I’d say. You have to try one of these drinks.

Then I’d swat a couple flies.