Things I learned on vacation

  • When eating chicken satay and telling a story at the same time, it is possible to hit the end of a satay skewer extending past the edge of the tabletop in such a way that the skewer, full of chicken, flips into the air, does a 360, and lands back on the plate without getting peanut sauce on anyone.
  • The Balinese are way into kites.
  • The sidewalks in Ubud are hallucinogenic – meter-deep holes, offerings everywhere that you have to keep stepping over, 1-food height differences for driveways. Don’t ask me what Ubud looked like, I was looking at the sidewalk the whole time.
  • The Balinese are terribly kind. A shopwoman felt so sorry for me she gave me haggling lessons.
  • Men often wear flowers behind their ear on Bali. It looks awesome.
  • On Lombok, do not tell the waiter to bring you the spiciest thing on the menu. No amount of Long Island Iced Teas excuses this.
  • The monkeys in the Monkey Forest are nasty.
  • At the Lombok airport, do not let anyone carry your luggage for you. It is a rip off. You will have to be more assertive than I was.
  • Careful what you eat and where you eat it, i.e. avoid ice cubes, which are sometimes made using unsterilized water etc. and so on.
  • The Balinese are terribly kind. A waitress at our hotel brought medicine for our daughter when she heard she had consumed something with ice cubes, and organized a doctor etc. When we gave her a tip at the end of our stay (some tourist guides recommend against tipping on Bali, but that made me feel bad), she shared it with the other waitresses.
  • Luwak coffee tastes the same as regular coffee.
  • Up close, like walking across your hotel window, a firefly looks like a flying ant with a green LED up its ass.
  • Fried rice is a great breakfast.

4 responses to “Things I learned on vacation

  1. Was the spiciest thing on the menu at Lombok Plecing Kangkung? I miss it terribly.

  2. mig

    it may have been, but what i (vaguely) recall eating involved chicken. something-something-ayam, then, i suppose. this was a hotel restaurant, not a warung, which may have saved my life.

  3. beta

    is a “1-food height difference” a pun I don’t get or am I just being an ituepferlreiter? sounds like you had a blast! xo :) (and yes, nasi goreng rocks!!!!)

  4. mig

    It’s a typo. Dang. Thanks for pointing it out. Should read, “1-food marmoset jelly roll”.
    Yes, we had a nice trip.