Just when you start feeling ashamed of your species, you hear language that makes you proud to be human. I’d credit the above, but I read it somewhere top-secret.
Kentucky will give W. Virginia a run for the money. “You are not strong enough to pull a greased string out of a cats ass.” and “You are strong enough to pull the handle out of a green maul”.
Another favorite, “Busier then a one legged man at an ass kicking contest.”.
I have no idea how a greased string gets in a cats ass by the way.
This one has to take the cake….
“richer than 6 inches up a bull’s ass”.
(when referring to an extremely sweet dessert)
I’ll give all the credit to my ex for that one
Suz
“Hotter than two rats bumping uglies in a wool sock” is my favorite.
I always liked this pair of old memphis blues slang phrases:
“get your ashes hauled” – attain sexual gratification
“I will turn your money green” – all purpose boast, come-on, etc. Can be used as “I will make money for you,” “I will screw your brains out,” or just as a general “I will satisfy you with my actions.”
i always like the religious permutations:
christ on toast
christ on lasagne
christ on a bicycle
mary in a launderette
sweet bleeding christ and ice cream
Kentucky will give W. Virginia a run for the money. “You are not strong enough to pull a greased string out of a cats ass.” and “You are strong enough to pull the handle out of a green maul”.
Another favorite, “Busier then a one legged man at an ass kicking contest.”.
I have no idea how a greased string gets in a cats ass by the way.
This one has to take the cake….
“richer than 6 inches up a bull’s ass”.
(when referring to an extremely sweet dessert)
I’ll give all the credit to my ex for that one
“Hotter than two rats bumping uglies in a wool sock” is my favorite.
I always liked this pair of old memphis blues slang phrases:
“get your ashes hauled” – attain sexual gratification
“I will turn your money green” – all purpose boast, come-on, etc. Can be used as “I will make money for you,” “I will screw your brains out,” or just as a general “I will satisfy you with my actions.”
i always like the religious permutations:
christ on toast
christ on lasagne
christ on a bicycle
mary in a launderette
sweet bleeding christ and ice cream
i hope this isn’t a family blog, but my fav is straight from a tim sandlin book:
“well fuck me with a spoon.”
say it when surprised.
and, by the way, what kind of bug is pictured in your header?
Well it does happen to be a family blog, but it’s a family where it’s okay to say “Well fuck me with a spoon.”
In England they’re slightly more polite about it: “Well cover me in eggs and flour and bake me for forty minutes”
The bug?
D, what sort of bug *is* that?
And how are the shadows coming?
Um… its a dead bug and the shadows… the shadows are… eh…
The shadows are coming! Run for the hills!
“so stupid they couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with directions on the heel.”
Ha!
Hotter than a half fucked fox in a forest fire.
Learned that from a preacher’s son.