Careers in Science III: Astheniology

As luck would have it, the astheniologist’s daughter is diagnosed with pneumonia right before a big test and has to spend the holidays at home, both messing up her academic schedule for the rest of the year in a big way, and stealing a holiday season the prospect of which had sustained her through the first part of the year.

As luck would have it, her parents just got new sofas, so at least she has a new sofa upon which to recline.

As luck would have it, the astheniologist’s back went out right when the sofas were to be picked up, meaning the astheniologist’s wife and her father had to do the heavy moving. The astheniologist took a professional interest in this, and filmed the first segment of the moving, his wife and father-in-law getting part of the old sofa which was still in good enough shape to save up the stairs to the daughter’s room on the second floor.

The astheniologist saw the humor in this, as did his younger daughter, his wife and father-in-law less so. His elder daughter, the one with pneumonia, wisely abstained.

The new sofas, though, that had to be carried in after the old sofas were removed, the new sofas both came in a single piece – unlike one of the old sofas, which could be broken down into two pieces for easier moving. The new sofas were both a lot heavier, too.

So the astheniologist went rapidly from the hysterical barking of orders to holding the heavy end and visualizing the nerves extending from his spinal column, out between two lumbar vertebrae and down his leg, mere microns from being put out of action by whatever it was that was making them tingle already, while his wife and father-in-law did god-knows-what at the other end. Argued semantics or something.

According to the astheniologist, see, it is a good idea to know beforehand precisely how you are going to get a large, heavy piece of furniture up some stairs and around a corner and through a door, through an entryway and around another corner and through another door before you pick up the piece of furniture, and not stand on the stairs trying to fit it through the doorway, each of the three persons involved pushing in a different direction and shouting.

According to the astheniologist, this is how it is done:

  1. You move the cabinet out of the entry way, otherwise the large piece of furniture in question won’t fit past.
  2. You stand the large piece of furniture on end at the top of the stairs, turn it 90 degrees so it goes through the door the skinny way, not the fat way, and carefully shove it through bottom end first, not vertically, since it is longer than the doorway is high.
  3. Then, you carry it through the entryway horizontally.
  4. Then you stand it up again for the next door, turn it 90 degrees so it can go through the door the skinny way, not the fat way, and push it through bottom end first, but very carefully, because the people holding the high end are standing with their backs to the cellar stairs, and it is important to avoid them sliding down the stairs head-first, on their backs, with a large piece of furniture atop them.
  5. Then you carry the furniture horizontally to its final destination, or place it on a blanket and slide it.
  6. Was that so hard?

One response to “Careers in Science III: Astheniology

  1. mig

    I wrote this a few weeks ago, but apparently accidentally as a page instead of a post, or something, so here it is.