Now 15% funnier

The world’s funniest joke, now with added Sarah Palin:

Sarah Palin takes John McCain hunting in Alaska. McCain collapses. Palin places an emergency call on her cell phone.

Operator: May I help you?

Palin: This is Sarah Palin. John McCain isn’t breathing and his eyes are all glassy. He might be dead. What should I do?

Operator: Calm down. We can handle this. First thing, let’s make sure he’s dead.

(Pause, then gunshot)

Palin: Okay, now what?

Or, no, wait, hang on:

McCain’s campaign advisor gets a call from McCain in the middle of the night:

McCain: My campaign’s dead, what should we do:

Advisor: Hang on, first we need to make sure it’s dead.

(Palin’s voice: I’m on it, John. (Pause, gunshot))

McCain: Sigh.

Hang on, no, wait:

McCain and Palin get on the Straight Talk Express. The driver berates McCain for choosing Palin as a running mate. McCain makes his way to the back of the bus/jet and sits down beside a new intern.

Bad day? the intern asks.

Bad day? I’ll say, McCain says. It’s spread from the liberal media. Now even the driver is giving me a bad time.

Don’t take it sitting down, the intern says. Go back up there and give him a piece of your mind, John. Here, I’ll hold your monkey for you.

Or, wait:

McCain goes in for a check up. Doc, I feel like hell, he says. My campaign is in tatters ever since I chickened out and tried to weasel out of the debate, and then looked like a jerk with Obama. What’s wrong with me?

The doctor looks at McCain for a minute, then says, well, your assessment of your situation is fine, John.

6 responses to “Now 15% funnier

  1. Worth recycling and repeating!

  2. Perfect.

    Including getting “chicken” and “weasel” into one sentence.

  3. zeynep

    I live in Washington DC, you are just making me depressed with the possibility that these guys may ctually show up here in January…Should I start packing?

  4. You have no idea how much it depresses me that apparently even Americans living in Austria haven’t got much better to do than discuss/joke about American politics/presidential candidates.

    I have already resigned myself to the idea of not watching an TV news (or indeed television in general) or reading any news websites until February or so… must I also now stop using the internet? Hopefully not, because that would be bad for my e-mail based translation business.

    Seriously, these are rough times for the politically disinterested… we need some sort of safe haven to which we can retire until this whole mess has blown over (“this whole mess” being the presidential election).

    Zeynep – I’m to the point where I’d probably be depressed no matter who shows up in DC in January. Anyone who secures a nomination from either party is probably already a felon… that’s the system we’ve created. To get to the top of it, you have to be pretty corrupt, so I don’t think it makes a huge difference if its a Republican or a Democrat. (And the odds of getting anyone from another party in there are like zilch, so I’m not even going to mention those guys.)

  5. Jann

    “All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing” … frequently attributed to Edmund Burke, although according to Wikipedia, he probably never said it.

    It’s true enough though, and equally applicable to women.