The setting: on the inside of an airtight, soundproof, shiny metallic chamber.
Man: [Sweats profusely]
Interrobot: [Looks up from dossier, smiles] You’re sweating.
Man: It’s hot.
Interrobot: No, you’re sweating like Nixon at the Nixon-Kennedy debate.
Man: If this is about the electric cello, I can explain.
Interrobot: Tell me what you think. Do you think this is about the electric cello?
Man: This isn’t about the electric cello?
Interrobot: I didn’t say that. [Eyes glow red]
Man: Well, neither did I. I was asking.
Man: And please don’t do that thing with your eyes.
Interrobot: The title says ‘short fiction’. That means we have to get to the punchline quickly.
Interrobot: What thing with my eyes?
Man: Interrobot junior does it too. That heat ray thing.
Man: If I have an electric cello, I can, you know, play it with headphones.
Interrobot: Like that time you borrowed the theremin? You said that was awful, playing with headphones.
Man:Well, yeah, with a theremin you’re making these goofy motions.
Interrobot: And with a cello you’re not making goofy motions.
Man: Pff.
Man: [Wipes forehead] With the headphones, you know, I can practice at night when people are sleeping. With practice, I might not suck as badly.
Interrobot: [Extends arm from corner of thorax, bends it at elbow to examine wristwatch, dramatically]
Man: Seriously, that’s a big plus.
Man: [Wipes face with handkerchief] And…
Interrobot: [Sets bobbing 'drinking bird' desk toy in motion, watches it]
Man: And…
Man: Ok! It’s basically a toy!
Man: A toy! Is that so bad?
Interrobot: [Extends arm from thorax with whirring sound, pats man on hand]
Interrobot: There, was that so hard? A toy, that’s an easier for me to accept than this song and dance about practicing.
Man: Just a toy! I just want to plug it into an overdrive pedal and a reverb pedal and a gigantic amp and go to town!
Man: …huh? A toy is okay?
Interrobot: Amp? Effects pedals? What? You said headphones.
Man: Er…
Interrobot: And how much will an amp cost?
Man: I meant headphones.
Man: Headphones, they’re practically free on ebay.

In other words, I have permission to purchase an electric cello. I’m thinking of this one. With the end pin stand attached, it even has most of the acoustic cello contact points, except for the heel. And the electronics sound interesting. Plus, the factory is in the Czech Republic, a four hour drive (or five or so, if you are like me and get lost take the scenic route a lot) from my house, so I could look at it before buying.