So my wife is out of town on business. The two advantages of this are one dad gets more quality time with his kids and two she can buy her own damn Coach bag in Japan because they have no outlets in Vienna but apparently line the streets of Tokyo like Starbucks in other places.

This is my idea of quality time:
Beta: I went to that Indian restaurant yesterday at lunch.
Mig: The one next to that great sex shop? Off Mariahilferstrasse?
Beta: Um, yeah, off Mariahilferstrasse. That one.
Mig: What’d you have to eat?
Beta: Eh, it was too full.
Mig: Did you check out the sex shop at least? Last time you were at the restaurant with mom she called and mentioned you guys were looking into the windows of the one across the street but that’s the wrong one, that’s the condom shop, the sex shop is on the same side of the street as the restaurant and down about 20 or 30 meters. It’s not sleazy at all, it’s for women and the woman who runs it is excellent, gives great advice. [Note to self: get some sleep.]
Beta: …
Mig: I love that place.
Beta: You’ve bought stuff there? What, exactly?
Mig: No comment. [Note to self: start thinking more than one move ahead] Why are you so interested in sex shops, anyway?
Mig: But seriously, go check it out sometime.
Mig: Like, when you’re 18 or something maybe.
Mig: I suppose you’re still too young to be getting your girlfriends dildos for Christmas.
Beta: I got them shower gel from Bodyshop.
Mig: Plus, dildos are like incredibly expensive.
Beta: Coconut, tangerine… the mango is really good, too.
Mig: But those hand-blown glass ones are beautiful.