“You were coughing last night, dad.”
“I have to stop smoking.”
“You shouldn’t smoke at all.”
“You’re right.”
“Are there tornadoes in Austria?”
“Nope.”
“No volcanoes either?”
“Nope.”
“Good. Austria is my favorite place to live.”

I got Gamma off to school this morning. We had that conversation while getting her dressed and brushing her teeth.

I woke up with a headache this morning. I had been up late with Beta, watching “Underworld” (? Is that right? The one about the werewolves and vampires fighting?) and drinking wine (just me – she’s not interested in wine yet).

It was hard to tell who was who during most of the film. They all had long hair, most of them, but the vampires washed theirs. They all wore long leather coats. Up close, the lycans looked like bikers or heavy metal band members, whereas the vampires were more, what, Placebo-fan-looking or something. When they were battling, it was often hard to tell who was who.

The only sure way to tell was, if they’re smoking they’re a vampire. None of the lycans smoked. The entire movie, in fact, was an allegory about the ongoing battle between smokers and non-smokers.

Overall, the movie rocked: acting sucked, script sucked, photography sucked, costumes sucked, direction sucked, weapons sucked, cars sucked, it was eminently confusing but, you know, chick in tight shiny black outfit.

There was something about the Michael guy being important somehow, I’m not sure what, either the movie was confusing on that point or Alpha kept coming into the room talking to us or both. But he at some point or another, the beginning or the end, ends up combining lycan and vampire in a single person, which makes him stronger.

And it occurred to me that I, too, combine smoker and non-smoker in a single person. I detest smoking and what it does to the way I feel and the way I smell. I hate the way it tastes and I hate supplying money (indirectly, since I still bum all my smokes) to, doubtlessly, rich, powerful lying immoral monopolists.

On the other hand, I continue to smoke, off and on. Only in my case, I fear it doesn’t give me triple-celled platelets. Or maybe it does, but they don’t make me “stronger than both”.