Trapped

Did the Twilight Zone ever do an episode about a guy trapped in a children’s book?

Wait, before I start: guys, go get your prostate checked. Fucking another Ramone just died, of prostate cancer this time. I went a while ago and the doctor did it via ultrasound, no invasion at all. It was almost… I hate to use the word “anticlimactic” but nothing better occurs to me. Anyway. Seriously.

Now, the guy trapped in a children’s book: he comes home and the helianthus patch is growing ten feet high in front of his living room windows, in full bloom and glowing golden in the setting sun. A happy little girl with glittery trinkets in her tangled hair runs out to greet him, dancing in her pyjamas. He forgets his sore back and the story he had wanted to tell about having to unload a vanload of luggage at the airport and how fucked up he is from the pain pills. Instead he eats his food until he’s called out into the dark to watch the antics of a new hedgehog, Little Black Face, son (?) of Black Face. No, wait, LBF is in the left house, this one’s even smaller and in the far right house. Look, he’s tipped over his food dish. Look, he’s climbed underneath. He’s totally manipulating the food dish. It must be the Little Guy. LG is playing with his dish. The man goes back into the house and finishes his food. Cats are snoozing on the kids’ beds. He snuggles with the smaller kid and tells her a story but falls asleep in the middle of it and wakes up and moves to his own bed. In the morning it is reported to him that LG has taken up residence in the far right house, to which the man added extra straw the previous day as LG had been tearing up the newspaper and moving straw and leaves inside for a nest. LG has figured out how to use his food dish as a door, rolling it in front of the entrance to keep others out. LG is the Einstein of hedgehogs.
The man feeds the cats. He looks like he is wearing furry boots, but it’s just cat hair on his suit. He goes outside and calls the tortoise. It responds, climbs out of its new house (deeper, tapered for a greater sense of security, better insulated) and comes over to eat some lettuce and protein pellets.
Tom Waites probably has pets too, the man tells himself.

5 responses to “Trapped

  1. tom waits surely has a pet (rain) dog. and a swordfish, possibly. i’m not sure about hedgehogs.

    he has two kids, though*, so there’s probably something furry around.

    *i think it’s two.

  2. three children.

    also, i forgot to include a mule on the potential pet list.

  3. I love the hedgehog stories! Keep ‘em coming.

  4. j-a

    your house is turning into a menagerie…

  5. It sounds pretty delightful, actually. I have plenty of cats, but long for a tortoise and some hedgehogs.