Monthly Archives: January 2004
School vacation next week. In Austria that means you have to go skiing. I got fancy carving skis for Christmas so there’s no escape. Maybe it will be fun, who knows. I will not be blogging during that time. I’ve uploaded a bunch of old Bug comix and hopefully will remember to activate them before I leave. I will be back on the seventh or the eighth of February if all goes well.
I’m the age my father-in-law was when I first met him. I mentioned this to Alpha, and she was all like, “and?”
I met him in the hospital. Alpha had her appendix out. We’d been out for a walk, you see, and she had stomach pains and I took her to the hospital and the doctor said, “you’re pregnant,” and she said, “no, I’m not,” and the doctor said, “then you have appendicitis,” and they operated on her.
I was so bored back then I visited her daily for hours. And her parents dropped by and her father regarded me with suspicion. I sometimes wonder what I’ll do when Beta brings a boy home. I think I’ll show him my knife collection, and then show him where I chop wood in the cellar. “This is my axe,” I’ll say. “It’s nice and sharp,” and I’ll smile like Jack Nicholson.
Then I remember, she’s already brought a boy home and I went upstairs and logged on to the Internet until he left.
- C: [Knocks on door.]
Man: [Opens door]
C: [Rubs against door frame, licks ass. Looks at person who let him in]
C: [Eyes get enormous. Flinches, cowers. Crouches, ready to flee.]
Man: Oh, calm down, would you?
C: [Takes a step back, then another]
Man: It’s only a haircut. It’s still me. See? [Smiles, shrugs.]
C: [Cowers, with a very serious expression on face.]
Man: What is it with you and heads, anyway? Whenever my head changes it freaks you out. I wear a hat and you have a heart attack. It’s just a haircut, dude.
C: [Jumps straight up and darts under kitchen table when man raises hand and runs fingers through short, stubbly hair. C's eyes glow in dark.]
Man: Sorry, was that a threatening motion? You and heads.
C: [Flinches, ready to run]
Man: BOOGABOOGA! GRAAAAGGHH!