For instance:

1. He gets up early to pack lunches, empty and/or load the dishwasher, make coffee. When she gets up a few minutes later, he pours her coffee and all she has to do is look at him and he pours her milk too. No, not that milk, the other milk. That milk is past its expiration date, although it still tastes fine.

2. When he gets home from work and feigns shock (seriously, only feigns) that he has to serve himself and a kid dinner, the kid explains it like this: “Well, you’re the man, aren’t you?”
3. He knows which cat prefers which catfood. Like, they both eat the expensive gourmet stuff out of the foil astronaut envelopes designed to get catfood juice on your fingers, and both will eat the chunky stuff, although one prefers it with gravy and the other in aspic. The dead cat preferred the pat
   

Maybe now “President” Bush’s liberal critics will finally shut up about whether he ever went to the dentist while “serving” in the National Guard. Picture here.
(We must admit, however, that it does leave open the question of whether he flossed, not to mention did he regularly apply one of those little rubber pick things).

My question, though, is: What’s up with George Will’s toupee?

The limericks were all very good. I loved them all equally, but finally managed to narrow them down to a three-way tie:

Mark and Marjorie win for managing to incorporate all the rules (LOTR, psychologist and parasite) and still adhere strictly to the limerick form:

An orc with a raging psychosis
Said “Doctor, what’s your diagnosis?”
The doctor said “Orc,
you eat too much pork.
I think you just have trichinosis.”

Liz (who gave no URL) wins twice for rhyming “sucker” with “fucker” and for calling me a “perfect, post-modernist man” (twice)

A trendy French shrink named Lacan
Thought love added up to rien
But construct or not,
You’re incredibly hot,
My perfect, post-modernist Man.

An earnest young doctor named Beach
fell madly in love with a leech
that little blood-sucker
was such a hot fucker
that heaven seemed quite within reach.

Last but not least, Joeri wins with his tapeworm entry:

A Diphyllobothrium latum
(A pseudophillidean tapeworm)
can grow to 10 meters
among raw fish eaters.
It can make a sturdy man squirm.

Congratulations, everyone.

Hugh Hefner would make a good presidential candidate. I’d run on a ticket with him (he’d need someone for the family vote).

It takes longer than four hours for unrefrigerated home-made Chinese food to go bad, right?

Almost forgot. We had a poetry contest going, didn’t we.
You were all so brilliant, I just can’t decide. I’d send you all a bug button, but they fall out of the cheap envelopes I use.