Begin with a guided meditation (you are wearing comfortable, loose clothing and are in a dimly-lit room, right?):

• Imagine a young woman.
• Imagine she is leggy and beautiful.
• Imagine she is Chinese.
• Imagine her hair done up for a wedding at which she is a guest.
• Imagine her happy.
• Imagine she is wearing a long, sequiny, blue Chinese party dress, tightly buttoned up to the throat, and slit up to her hip bones.
• Imagine her climbing out of a wildly rocking row boat.
• Imagine Mig squatting on the dock, steadying the boat at this moment.

I had so much fun at a wedding last night.

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More than two thousand years ago, Euclid taught us about triangles. Book 1 culminated with the famous Pythagoras Theorem (a² + b² = c²) as Proposition 47 and 48 respectively.

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The metamorphosis, by franz kafka.
[Thanks to Joeri]

Alien 1: What do you mean, which one? That one there, standing on the shoulder next to the car with the hazard lights going.
Alien 2: So?
Alien 1: He’s saying something. What’s he saying?

Alien 2: What?
Alien 1: Turn on the speakers! Listen! He’s saying, “Come take me with you! Take me away! Rectal probes, breeding experiments, I don’t care.”
Alien 2: Preparing tractor beam.
Alien 1: Wait! Hang on, what’s that in his hand? Looks like a…
Alien 2: Aiiieee! He’s playing a tin whistle!
Alien 1: Fucking fuckity-fuck, let’s get out of here!

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Now you know what to do at a diplomatic reception if you are an invited guest. But what if you’re working there as the video twat?

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Here is one book I shall be getting when it comes out.

Maybe I should write one of these myself.

Two days after the referendum, however, evidence is growing that the software of the touch-screen voting machines had been tampered with.