Feh.

The musicians among you will confirm this: forget notes and all that crap – the secret to playing a musical instrument is moving like the musicians do! Yes! I just figured that out yesterday.

Beta was at the music school Sunday practicing on the concert harp they have there (I have a key to get in on the weekend, that is so cool, wandering around an empty school like that, except of course the music school wasn’t entirely empty even on a Sunday, the hard-core musicians were there practicing) and since I bugged her sitting around listening to her, she sent me into another room to play my flute. And I sat there, going through some slow airs, and tried something new: moving the way I’ve seen flute players move – you know, sort of doing that kelp-like back-and-forth thing with your upper body, in time to the music, and wagging the flute around a little – and I sounded much better.

Fascinating! I got home and tried the same thing with the cello – and it worked! Doing that eye-closing thing, and the little swoops with the shoulders etc – no more strangled warthogs! All the time I’ve wasted sitting there stiff as a board. It’s great!

Beta and I went shopping and bought, among other things, a coconut. We were all looking forward to drinking a little coconut milk.

After lunch, I drained the coconut milk into a glass. Little Gamma got first sip because she is the smallest.

She took a sip, and went “Ptooey! Bleah!” spitting the mouthful back into the glass.

And the rest of us sat there, downcast, watching her spit spread throughout the rest of the coconut milk; a translucent blob of used and rejected coconut milk, bits of masticated food, and saliva.

Then a bell rang and an angel was born.

Alpha: [Sips tea] “Aren’t you overdue for a visit to the urologist, honey?”
Miguel: [sigh] “I suppose so.”
Beta (12 year-old daughter): [Sips tea] “What’s a urologist?”
Miguel: “He’s the man I pay to stick his finger up my ass.”
Alpha & Beta: [spit tea back into cups]

No one reads this at meal time, do they?

You know those holidays families go on, and they bond and return home after the week or whatever away loving each other and on good terms and so much closer than before, and not ready to murder each other?

How is that done?

Beta is 12. She does not like to be photographed. In fact, she really, really, hates it.